Feel the fear

June 2015

I haven’t always been afraid of heights — in my time I’ve climbed my share of mountains. But over recent years I’ve been increasingly limited by a growing fear at height.

My first panic at heights was not until I was in my thirties. I was on a hiking holiday in the Pyrenees. After a week of feeling at home on mountain walks, the culmination was to be a 2 day hike with a mountain-top start and a descent to the valley floor in Spain. I can remember starting the climb down, feeling sick at the height, my legs shaking as I felt as if I had just stepped off the edge of the world. My lucky break — in some ways — came when I twisted my ankle badly and had to retreat.

I thought it was a one off and in the months and years that followed, I battled with my terror of high places and managed Alpine ascents, Himalayan treks and knife edged mountain ridges. But the fear got worse year by year until it was affecting my life and the people around me. Hiking trips were cut short, walks curtailed. It was ruining my favourite activity.

I knew I had to do something about it.

I tried practising — pushing myself through — but that didn’t help. In fact it only made things worse.

I tried hypnotherapy, and that helped a bit, but being at heights didn’t come easy, or even easier. I could do it, in some cases, but it just wasn’t fun. And what is the point of subjecting yourself to steep sided mountains if you don’t get any enjoyment from it? And whatever good that had been done, began to wear off.

Earlier this year I decided that learning to rock climb might help, but I doubted any instructor could cope with my level of panic.

Then, a few months ago I stumbled on a course for people with a fear of heights that combined mind training with abseiling and an optional rock climbing day.

It sounded perfect. But was it too good to be true?

This is the story of what happened next…