The Important Role of Christmas, Holidays, Ritual & Celebration

Living Within a Story

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“…What I do favor is the attempt to make sense of things by living within a story...” ― Elizabeth J. Andrew

Most of us have childhood memories attached to the celebration of birthdays, Christmas and other holidays.

We have multiple memories of stories garnered from every previous birthday or Christmas that we can share with our own children or friends, or bring back to mind to comfort us for those occasions when we can’t be around family.

When we need to remind ourselves that we are loved, and appreciated.

They anchor us. These memories. Embed us in the story of our own life. And, the story of our family. Our community’s story. The story of our faith group, or church.

Anchor points. Points that ground us. Hold us tight when times get tough. When the winds blow strong against us.

Photo by Sereja Ris on Unsplash

We can think about them.

Know that we are a part of something. Something greater than just ourselves.

They are a reminder that we were important enough to be remembered.

Important enough that once a year people took time to celebrate:

• the gift of us.
• the gift of family.
• thankfulness for being alive.
• thankfulness for the stories.

Our memories of celebrating these occasions help us form and keep an emotional connection and bond with our family, friends and communities.

Often these memories are accompanied by powerful emotional reactions, especially as we recall those times.

Mostly, these memories are positive.

Occasionally, they are negative.

Growing Up Jehovah’s Witness

So, I grew up with no celebration of traditions or rituals of any kind.

My family did not celebrate birthdays, public holidays or any of the traditional times that most people celebrate (Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day).

Even though I left the religion of my childhood (Jehovah’s Witnesses) in my early 30’s I still have a really hard time remembering birthdays of friends and finding an emotional attachment or connection to holidays that I now celebrate.

I realise now it is because I have no childhood memories to anchor to.

No emotional connection formed when I was young to attach the importance of remembering.

Many ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses (and others who leave religions that do not celebrate birthdays or holidays) speak of the same disconnection.

The trouble it now causes them in their current life, trying to integrate back into a society that they have always lived in, but lived separate from, for so many years in their past. Separate from all the rituals and celebrations that others take for granted.

Unfortunately, most don’t understand the disconnect and see lack of remembering as equating to ‘lack of caring’ when in fact, this is often not true.

• The shame in not remembering can be intense.
• The fear of causing upset and harm in current relationships can be immense, especially when a person has been shunned by all members of their family and friends in the religion they no longer are a part of.
• But the reality of inadvertently causing upset — is very real.

In fact, many of us who grew up without celebrating these occasions, as a way of coping when we were still a member of the sect, started to tell ourselves and others, that we didn’t care that we didn’t celebrate them. It didn’t matter. It didn’t affect us.

It became normalized for us to live like this.

Without celebration.

Without remembrance.

Without gift giving.

After years of telling yourself this, to suddenly be thrust into a world where it can be very important for most people, is a shock. A huge culture shock.

And can be a minefield to navigate when you are trying to form new relationships.

The recognizing and celebrating of different days to commemorate different occasions is an acceptable form of ritual in today’s world. Many of these special days have therefore been made into public holidays.

Materialism & Commercialism

The role of commercialism cannot be underplayed here in this regard.

The blatant advertising of products for people to buy each other to show their “love” all prepared and made with the special day in mind.

Unfortunately, a lot of us have bought into the myth that love is to be expressed by the quality and expense of the gift we buy.

Rather, than the fact that a gathering together to celebrate the day, and spend it with loved ones, is the focus that brings the joy.

Our connections with each other.

“Appreciation is the highest form of prayer, for it acknowledges the presence of good wherever you shine the light of your thankful thoughts.” Alan Cohen

Gifts can be important ways to mark an occasion.

• The thoughtfulness behind each gift
• The careful taking into account the likes and dislikes of the recipient
• The time taken to personally create the gift

are all ways to show the recipient how much we love and care for them.

But, gifts are not always necessary or able to be given.

In these hard economic times, people can sometimes feel pressured to purchase gifts on credit as they do not wish loved ones to feel that they don’t care.

If we know many in the family are not in a financial position to be able to buy gifts without causing themselves hardship there are ways to still celebrate and get together, and ease the burden on each other.

Alternatives to Gift Giving

• Conduct a ‘Secret Santa’ (instead of everyone buying each person a gift that is attending, each person pulls one name from a hat prior to the event and ONLY buys a gift for that person). This way, everyone gets one gift, nobody misses out, and nobody is left heavily in debt. Nobody knows who bought which gift.
• Decide to NOT buy gifts, and maybe all go to a restaurant for a meal instead or go to a holiday house (everyone shares cost between them) so the experience is the occasion, and the sharing of time together, rather than gifts.
• Decide that everyone will ONLY buy gifts for children under the age of 16 (or whichever age is appropriate).
• Or meet up at a local park, and everyone brings food to share for a picnic. Have a fun time out, that costs nothing for anyone, but the food bought and prepared to share.
• Decide to still give gifts to each other, but ALL gifts have to be under $50 or $20 each. Whatever amount you decide as a family. If someone at a later time, that is private, decides to give something more costly, that is between the two people and is not part of the occasion. This way it allows for all to participate and takes the focus off the value of the gift (they are all equal value) and onto the actual experience of being together.
• Pick a game to play as a group and do that immediately after the meal. There are some great fun group games to play these days, many of them with the theme in mind to get to know each other on a deeper level, or to just have fun and a laugh. This way, if you normally find that due to differences in makeup people don’t normally get along, this takes the pressure off a conversation, and puts the emphasis on playing the game. Nobody then has to engage in an awkward conversation or difficult conversations for too long.
• As a family, you could choose to ALL forego gifts one Christmas and all sponsor a family instead for Christmas. There are many charitable and church-based organizations that offer the option of sponsoring either a child or a whole family for Christmas. This could be a fun way of experiencing the gift of giving to those less fortunate and still getting to spend time together. This is especially good if all in the family are at a point in their lives where everyone has got everything they need and gift-giving can be quite hard; and just an exercise in giving for the sake of it, rather than genuinely giving something you know the other person really would like or need. My family was sponsored one Christmas years ago, when times were really tough, and it is still a day that we all remember and talk about.

And if you have a new member of your family or a new friend, that you know has left a religion where they never celebrated birthdays or special holidays maybe give a little bit of extra love and consideration for the fact, that it may be extra hard for them to appreciate the importance of these occasions, and that it may be quite an adjustment for them to make.

If they do forget your birthday or are late at expressing their acknowledgement of the fact you have just had a birthday, do not necessary immediately jump to the conclusion that they must not care.

Why Observance Is So Important

In the Western world in particular, with births and funerals occurring in hospitals or hospices, and rarely in the home; and food being mainly bought from shops or supermarkets and not grown in the backyard; there is a detachment from the seasons, and from ‘coming of age’ rituals that are common in more tribal communities or people native to a country.

In our Western Society, especially if people are not religious, there are only a few occasions where annual observance occurs. Our birthday, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving (unique to the USA), Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are the main ones.

Each country tends to also have national days of significance, some involving remembrance of those fallen in past wars.

Celebrating and marking these occasions are a way to focus either national attention, bringing the country together; or a family’s or community’s attention to mark the recognition of a person or occasion.

They bring together community or family using food, music, and gifts, and often with a public holiday where people are released from work duties so that the occasion can be marked.

All of these things unite people. Unite families. Unite communities. Unite faiths. Unite a country. Everyone involved in the occasion is focused on the same thing.

A ritual is a place and time, that if it was not marked, does not allow for memory, occasion, or giving thanks.

If something is not marked in the calendar it rarely happens. The moment passes.

Life is made up of thousands of little moments.

Ritual is important for some of the more significant of these moments.

It doesn’t have to be religious.

It doesn’t have to be commercialised.

It doesn’t have to be on a grand scale.

Lots of money does not have to be spent.

For it to have significance. For it to form a memory. An anchor. A point in time, that will always be remembered.

That will be added to all the other ‘points in time’ that will help us feel connected to;

• both ourselves
• our families, and
• those around us.

For these reasons, all these occasions are important.

They all contribute to forming the story of us.

What do you think?