Staying in an Authoritarian Religion for Family & Community
A compelling reason why you remained
Welcome to the third article in the course Reclaim Your Life: Rebuild Your Identity in relation to healing from harmful religion.
This article examines the role of family and community as being factors in why someone joins or remains in an authoritarian and controlling type of religion.
You can either choose to listen to me talk on this subject via the video or you can read through a condensed article written below.
Raised in Religion from Childhood
Family is the first place that as children, we learn about belonging and attachment.
Children initially do not question their parents’ beliefs. They often assume everyone believes that way and thinks the same way.
It is not until a child gets a little bit older or starts to associate with other families, or children with other beliefs, who think a bit different, that they begin to perceive that things outside the family can be different (all is not necessarily the same). Then issues such as right/wrong and truth can raise their head in a child’s mind.
Dependence on family
But initially at first for a child what your parent teaches you is usually accepted as absolute truth. It never even enters into your mind to question.
So, if you have been born into religious faith and into a family that has taught you right from the beginning of your life, and it has permeated every aspect of your life, then, of course, you are not going to question or challenge it in any way.
Especially given that as children we are dependent on our parents for food, security, safety, love and belonging it becomes a matter of security and survival to conform and to stay within the family group and be obedient.
Physical discipline
One of the factors I am going to talk about a little bit later is that with a lot of authoritarian religions strict obedience to parents (often reinforced with physical discipline backed up by scripture) is something that also inculcates the fear of questioning or disobeying.
If you are going to get caned or strapped or physically disciplined each time you raise your voice or question or do something that is not accepted by the family or group, that is a very powerful motivator for staying true and staying on track and not questioning.
And most of us who grew up in a religious faith probably have experienced that or seen it in other parents even if our parents did not go so far as to physically discipline.
So, these are compelling reasons for remaining and believing and adopting beliefs.
Time spent in religious activities at home and community
It is not just going to church once, twice or five times a week (however many times you went) it is also the time spent in a bible study at home, the pre bible study, and witnessing.
You may have had restrictions or parameters around the type of music you could listen to at home, not having exposure to other ways of thinking, restrictions or rules in relation to the kind of clothing you could wear, or even what type of jewellery you wore (symbols like a cross) that identified you as being of a certain faith.
These are all really powerful signs that you belong to a certain group (and solidify ingroup connections) and might even bring disdain and ridicule from other people not in your faith or group.
Ridicule from others is also powerful if you are taught that ridicule is part of you being identified as being one of Gods people. Ridicule from others then actually validates that you are in the true faith.
So these are all powerful reasons for thinking you are in the correct way of thinking and believing.
Rejection for nonbelief
So religion is not just about indoctrination by parents (and parents have the absolute right to teach their children anything about religion and faith) which a lot of the time is harmless.
But when teaching by parents is done in a controlling and authoritarian way, when it is exclusionary and when rejection of those beliefs can mean rejection from family and community — these are very powerful influences.
And I think understanding and recognising this is not about “dishing” religion or “having a go” but is about realising the reasons you stayed were very powerful, especially if you were brought up in it.
I hope you can have some self-compassion for yourself as to why you might have stayed in it for decades before leaving, or why you enjoyed it and stayed and what the benefits were for you.
We will look a bit later at some of the benefits and things you might grieve and miss if you are no longer part of the faith.
So faith is not just what your parents taught you, it can be all you have ever known and it is also about the culture and community.
Culture and Community
Often the church is the centre of the community, so if you don’t belong to the church, you are a social pariah.
The church can be a very powerful force in the community and religion has a massive cultural influence.
Being part of a choir or singing group that is church-based or other church-based activities or groups could be part of your regular activities as well as attending annual holiday activities or camps.
So all this influences why you stayed as well.
So, I hope this has given you a little bit more to think about in relation to family and community as reasons for joining or remaining in an authoritarian type of faith.
If you would like to read the article in this course before this one, please read below.
If you would like to read the article in this course, following this, please read below.
