I’m An Empowered Sober Bride
In 68 days I’ll walk down the aisle and say “I do.” Almost a year ago when my best friend proposed to me on the field at Lincoln Financial Field I became a sober fiancé and immediately began thinking about my next title: sober bride. Google is the first place I went to search for information and advice on being a sober bride. To my surprise, I barely found anything. I know sobriety is in the beginning stages of becoming cool, but I was shocked that there was nothing more than a few forums on having an alcohol-free wedding and an article citing reasons not to get hammered at your own wedding. There was nothing written on the struggles of being a sober bride, someone in recovery having a wedding that includes alcohol, or anything regarding the feelings of being a sober bride when you previously drank.
As I now move through the world as a sober person I am constantly learning how to do things that used to be plagued by my drinking and using. My wedding is something I used to dream about, not in the traditional sense like meeting my prince charming and living happily ever after, but in the sense of it being a huge, unforgettable party. I imagined an upscale open bar, a reception that lasted all night long, heading to the nightclubs in my wedding dress, and drinking fancy champagne all day while getting ready. I even picked out my signature drink: an extra dirty martini with blue cheese stuffed olives, one of my classics. As you can see, a wedding to me used to be about the party aspect and not so much about the ‘saying your vows’ and ‘celebrating love’ elements of a normal wedding.
Once I saw that the internet didn’t have much to offer in terms of sober bridal information I knew I had to write about it. I’ve already covered my sober bachelorette party, the struggles of a sober bride, and now I want to talk about the benefits of being a sober bride, because there are endless positive reasons for being sober in every one of life’s situations, especially at an event as important as your own wedding.
First of all, I knew that I would not have an alcohol-free wedding. Is it weird that I just wouldn’t want to do that to my “normie” guests/fiancé? I still want the people who are willing and able to casually and safely indulge in alcohol to do so on our special day. But alcohol isn’t going to be the main focus of our day. Open bar happens to be included in the package we have so we don’t have to worry much about alcohol and I like that. We won’t be having any fancy wine bottles or anything like that. What I did decide to do was add non-alcoholic beer and a selection of flavored waters for myself and other people at our wedding that don’t drink. We’ve saved money by not adding on other types of alcohol or making it the center of our celebration. That’s just one benefit of being a sober bride.
Another benefit is that I am free to concentrate on important wedding elements like my dress, building my ceremony, the food, and writing my vows. I don’t have to worry about making it the ultimate party because that’s not what it’s about. It’s funny that I used to believe it would be the most epic “unforgettable” party because the fact is, I probably wouldn’t remember any of it if I was still drinking. I have a guarantee now that I will remember every second of my wedding day and that guarantee is called sobriety.
The benefit of being sober on my wedding day that I’m most excited about is being able to feel. It seems so simple, but for me feeling has always been complicated. I am going into this whole thing knowing in my heart of hearts that getting married and being sober are the right decisions for me. For me, one would not be happening without the other. I am going into this day knowing I will be feeling every single emotion and yes, at times that can be overwhelming, but to me it’s a gift. As a drinking bride I would be numb. As a drinking bride I would be more concerned with filling up my glass than socializing with my family and my new husband. As a drinking bride I don’t think I would be able to fully grasp the importance of my impending union. I’m grateful I will be able to soak it all in on my special day, the nerves, the happiness, the excitement, and the sheer bliss, because with alcohol I didn’t just block out the pain, I blocked out all the enjoyable moments and emotions too.
Being sober ensures that I won’t be the embarrassing person at the wedding, which I have been many times in my life. Sobriety gives me the power to make choices — the choice to stay up late or go to bed early, the choice to eat an extra piece of cake, the choice to say thank you to my guests and be gracious. These are all choices I let go of during my drinking days. When I drank I was under the grips of a substance that guided my thoughts and actions. By being sober I am in charge again.
There is nothing more empowering than being a sober bride at your wedding. In case you were doubting that, or feeling alone like I was a year ago when I started googling this, you’re on the right path. Being a sober bride isn’t a disability, it’s an advantage. It’s time we start recognizing that. It’s time we start reading content that speaks to us.
Being a sober bride will allow me to make these lifelong promises to my partner, the promise to be on his team, to enter into every situation we come across with a full heart and a clear head, to love him and respect him, and to share the ups and downs of life, always. If I was not sober I would not be able to authentically make these statements and stick to them.
Thank you sobriety, for empowering me to be the partner I’ve always wanted to be and allowing me to soak up this beautiful wedding in all its sober glory.
