5 Things You Need To Know If You’re Hiring A Brit
Brand Britain can be pretty hard to fathom. Our ambassadors are as varied as Queen Elizabeth, Piers Morgan, Ali G and Mr Bean. The diversity which we have traditionally embraced means our national dish has its roots in India, our national drink was probably grown on the side of a Sri Lankan or Kenyan mountain, and you’re more likely to find yourself in London celebrating Carnival or Diwali than you are joining a morris dance.
If you’re hiring a Brit, understanding her perspective can feel challenging. But there are things which bring us together across these fair isles.
Here is Jobbatical’s handy primer to help you get to know your new British colleague.
1. The Average Brit does not handle embarrassment quite like Mr Bean does
The mere thought of potential public embarrassment can cause a Brit to freeze in abject terror. And this can cause some very odd behaviour quirks. If your new colleague doesn't catch your name first time, then he simply can never talk to you again. Asking twice would be embarrassing. And rude. And if your name is even vaguely exotic, then guessing and mispronouncing it would be embarrassing, rude, AND xenophobic. Best to avoid you forever.
The upside of this perpetual concern about being embarrassed, is that every move your colleague makes will be accompanied by a non-verbal signal to make sure you’re prepared in advance, and therefore avoid any awkward moments. Is she about to leave the office? There may be no words, but there will be much packing and pocket patting to give fair warning. Crossing the street together? Expect your British colleague to continue pressing the crossing button — not because he thinks it will speed your progress, but simply so you know he has everything under control.
2. Learn to read between the lines
The English language is rich and varied. We don’t really all talk like we stepped from a Dickens novel onto the set of Downton Abbey, but we also secretly don’t mind being told our accents are ‘cute’. What you might learn from your new colleague, however, is that despite being native speakers, we Brits very rarely actually use our own language to say what we really mean.
Sometimes it is because we really do not like to complain. At least not in person, but a good strongly worded letter is always cathartic.
Sometimes it is because we are masters of understatement. Something gone wrong in the office? A Brit’s reaction on the level of, “Oh dear, that’s a shame,” might just translate to, “Initiate crisis protocol. Now!”
It’s probably worth checking the building isn't burning down if you get so much as a raised eyebrow from your new colleague.
3. ‘Fine’ does not mean ‘Good’
Whatever the dictionary says, “I don’t mind” does not mean that your colleague doesn’t have an opinion; and “interesting” is very rarely a compliment. Brits, depending on the angle from which you view them, are either impressively stoic, or frustratingly passive aggressive — a potent cocktail of being naturally quite reserved, drilled into politeness, and terrified of getting it wrong.
But at least you will always have the non-verbal signals to rely on.
4. Disagreement? Simply not cricket
We Brits are united by a love of the underdog, and a tendency to favour overly complex sports. Cricket is one of our national pastimes because it is an opportunity to moan about our notoriously fickle weather, with ample breaks for tea; and it is also a good example of the British desire for fairness and respect for authority. Hence the phrase, ‘Simply not cricket’, used to imply something is not morally right, fair or acceptable.
Brits like consensus. Even when there is a natural authority figure to turn to, they want everyone to agree on a course of action because it is the right thing to do; not because their boss told them to. And so, in my most polite British voice, “It would be jolly nice if everyone in the office could just agree to get along.”
5. Whatever the problem, the pub is probably the solution
Probably the thing that brings Brits together more than anything else, is the importance of a visit to the pub. By Friday evening, the pubs of Britain are heaving with people mildly complaining in hushed tones about work, studiously avoiding colleagues’ whose names they have forgotten, and demonstrating their intention to get the drinks in with the universal non-verbal signal — a waved empty pint glass.
So when it comes to your new British colleague, whatever bumps you might hit in the road, a trip to your local pub is probably the solution.
Just don’t forget to buy a round — that simply would not be cricket.
