How You Can Make Your Precious Baby the Ultimate Winner at Life.
Your complete self-help guide to parenting the perfect capitalist sociopath in the digital age
The future is uncertain. Success is complex. How do we know we’re doing the right thing? We don’t. Societal messages are confusing at the best of times. Into this mix, I’d like to present a handy step-by-step guide to bringing up the perfect capitalist wonderkid.
Take all the following advice at your peril. These are the people entrusted with picking your nursing home after all.
Parenting in the digital age
Early Infancy (0–3)
Spend as much time on your phone as possible. From the moment they’re born babies attempt to interact and elicit care from adults. Any time your baby needs comfort, ensure that you’re busy checking your social media. This is vital.
Try and be as absent or as inconsistent as possible. Ensure that your child needs to compete for your attention. Make them work to draw your eyes away from that little blinking screen. That fierce…
