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Phantom Pain

July 2017

Photo by Maranatha Pizarras on Unsplash

When a limb is removed, they say you can still feel sensation, even pain, in the place where the missing limb is supposed to be.

Every once in a while, being single reminds me of that.

It’s not that I want the diseased or broken relationship back. There was no salvaging it (none of them — not a one). But a memory of a function of it, or a sensation from the missing part will catch me off guard now and then.

It usually happens when I see a bit of someone else’s relationship which seems to be whole. At least on the outside. Who knows what kind of gangrenous puss might lie under the surface? But it will stir the severed nerve endings where the connection to another human used to reside.

I will feel it then. The Void. The Ache. Sometimes the outright pain of what has been removed, as if the scar tissue had never formed at all.

Its been a very long time since I’ve done more than what people refer to as ‘casual dating’. Its been years now since I had a Someone. I’m inching closer to the decade mark for the end of the marriage. One would have thought in all this time I would have adjusted to the amputation of a relationship ‘status’.

Especially given the fact I am more content and at peace, in general, as a single person.

Except for those damn twinges of phantom pain.

Note: For those of us who wonder about The Universe’s Plan — what a difference a year makes. Just sayin’.

Namaste.