I went to an Indian matchmaking convention
The Mohan Matchmaking event in Chicago brought 1,000 South Asian American singles together for one weekend.
Published in
6 min readApr 30, 2023
This post originally appeared on Red, White and Brown’s newsletter on Substack (Issue #60 sent on April 29, 2023).
It was exactly three years to the very day since I had moved out of Chicago when I returned to the Windy City for the Mohan Matchmaking convention in early April.
This convention, which had garnered a ton of viral attention on Instagram, was created by 32-year-old entrepreneur Anip Patel, whose stage name is “Mohan” for his comedy and popular social media accounts.
More than 9,600 South Asian American singles applied to attend, of which Anip and his team chose 1,000, mostly based age, gender and location, so there would be a mix of people. In the end, about 975 single men and women showed up, according to Anip, a number he believes is a record for the largest South Asian dating convention in the world. (He said he submitted that claim to the Guinness World Records for confirmation.)
I ended up meeting people in their 20s just a few years out of college, 30-something millennials like me jaded from past experiences and looking for the real deal, and some in their early 40s seeking a fresh start.
I wrote about my experience in The Washington Post, but I wanted to share some additional voices that didn’t make the Post story for length, as well as summarize the weekend:
- The best part was the tone was already set: Everyone was there to mingle. No guessing if someone was single or if it was the right context to approach someone. “I feel like I already had a one-up on the scene in general,” Akshay Patel, 36, from Dallas-Fort Worth, told me. “Because [everyone] that was there was actually looking for a relationship. It wasn’t just like: Oh, let me get on this app and see what happens.”
- The Saturday speed-dating sessions were structured opportunities to meet people one-on-one. Everyone was divided into rooms based on age ranges (under 30, early 30s and 36+), as well as a dedicated room for LGBTQ+-identifying attendees. But it was interesting that, overall, there were a lot more women in most rooms, which organizers said happened because some of the men snuck into the younger age groups. Each date was just a minute or two, and I estimate I met at least 100 women. “[On apps], people are talking to people all around the nation,” Anip told me. “To meet up with them actually is hard. We heard so many people saying: I’ve matched with half of these guys in dating apps, we just never met. We just rekindled today, and it was great to actually meet them in person.”
- I interviewed at least two attendees who didn’t want their full name identified, primarily because they didn’t want their parents to know they attended because they believe it would add additional pressure on them. (Does this further prove my point that more open communication is needed in our communities?) “It was kind of nice to see a lot of people in the same boat,” said 28-year-old Chicago attendee Priya, who did not want to be identified with her last name because she didn’t want her parents to know she went to the convention. “That was kind of a relief to see that you’re not the only one who’s trying to come out here and just find love. … We’ll see how the matchmaking transpires.” S. Patel, who traveled from Los Angeles, was excited to attend the convention because she said using apps like Dil Mil and Hinge sometimes felt like a chore. “To [have] 500 Indian men that I can see and I have options of is perfect for me, because I’m picky and you know they’re there for the right reasons. Nobody is going to pay [hundreds of dollars] if they just want to find more friends with benefits or flings,” said S. Patel, 27, who declined to share her full first name because she didn’t want her parents to know she attended. S. Patel said she is in touch with at least two men after the convention and others have been messaging as well. “Hopefully one of them is a long-term, potential husband.”
- The convention was also a reminder that there’s still rampant superficiality and misogyny at play in contemporary dating — from both men and women. In the Post article, I recount a few experiences.
- A common theme I heard — but didn’t witness firsthand during the weekend — were some singles who said they encountered people who only wanted to date people within the same sub-community (i.e. some Gujaratis who said they only want to meet other Gujaratis). While I totally respect people’s preferences in meeting partners, at a convention by millennials and for millennials, I was a bit surprised those types of preferences sometimes carry on so strongly for some from the first-generation into the second-generation. I would have expected people raised in the U.S. to be more open minded about a person’s background.
- While there were a few off-putting encounters, the vast majority of people at the convention were kind and seemed genuinely open to finding a partner. In Shilpa Maniar’s mind, connecting with at least two men at the convention was going to be a win. “I think I did walk away with a couple of new connections that I want to follow up with, [as well as] I met a few interesting people that I’d want to stay in touch with from a professional or friendship standpoint,” said the New York advertising executive who is in her mid- to late-30s.
- Many of us also made friends through this experience. I befriended a friendly divorced man whose daughter had given him well wishes to meet someone over the weekend. He wasn’t sure if he’d meet the one there, or if there was already someone back home he’d rather build things with. Another guy I befriended said he was giving the convention a chance but had hoped to meet more people from other South Asian communities, including Muslims, Christians and Pakistanis. (The convention took place during Easter weekend and Ramadan.)
- The convention was also pricey. Anip had been clear about that all along, billing his Mohan Matchmaking event as a “luxury” experience. Tickets cost upwards of $600. Patel said convention expenses totaled more than $1 million — some of which he said he personally financed. Even after ticket sales and sponsorships, Patel said his company will end up with a $200,000 to $300,000 loss. Between the financial costs and the logistical challenges of catering to 1,000 people, he’s not sure he’ll do another convention. “I think if [Anip Patel] doesn’t do it again, I hope somebody else thinks of this idea.” S. Patel said.
- One of my favorite conversations for this story was with Mukti Lavu of Los Angeles, who had nothing to do with this particular convention but had really nuanced perspectives on dating conventions in general. She married a man she had met years earlier at a convention for young Telugu Americans. “It’s almost like this segue from going from our parents’ day-and-age of a lot of arranged marriage into this almost like planned, arranged dating thing,” Lavu, 43, told me. But while a convention worked for her and she is happily married, Lavu said she has very mixed emotions about the value of conventions. “Nowadays, there are so many people getting divorced, because I think a lot of people did things per criteria, what they thought their community would approve of and what they thought their parents would approve of,” Lavu said. Instead of conventions, Lavu believes singles participating in activities with shared interests might be a better way to meet people and spark more meaningful conversations. “When you really connect with a human being and you make the decision to get married … you’re not going to care what the person’s job is — that’s not going to tell you about who they are. It’s going to tell you what they do with some of their time.”
Read the article in The Washington Post.
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