Pastoring Through The Year of the Grinch:

Why Are You So Angry and Grouchy?

by Bart Garrett

As I have conversed with dozens of church planters and pastors lately, I have heard sentiments like:

• This feels like death by a thousand cuts.
• I’m not sure that we’ll make it.
• I’m dealing with my own grief. How can I help others grieve?
• Where did God go?
• I think I’ve lost half of my congregation.
• People won’t do church online anymore.

I assume 2020 would make the Top Ten List for “Top Ten Most Difficult Years to Plant a Church.” In America, we have stumbled through the pandemic, a polarized election cycle, more societal unrest, and with it, a current of racism that has continued to flow throughout our nation’s history.

I offer no quick fixes or easy solutions. This is a year that I hope we never have to live through again.

I simply offer one piece of advice: Help your people know what they are feeling by better understanding what you are feeling.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick” (Proverbs 13:12a).

This is a year of loss: Lost loved ones. Lost jobs. Lost dreams. Lost traditions. Lost plans. Lost opportunities. Lost celebrations. Lost commemorations. Lost birthdays. Hope. Disappointment. Hope. Disappointment. Rinse. Repeat.

Let’s name it: This is hope deferred. And it makes your heart sick. It is deflating and nauseating. You should grieve. Instead of admitting the grief, it is easier to get angry.

Also, have there ever been as many unknowns in a year? Fear and anxiety creep and seep in big and small ways. Will I get the coronavirus? Will it make me really sick? Will I lose a loved one? Will our church make our budget? Will our family make ends meet? Are people still tuning in or drifting away? What will the future hold? You should probably see a therapist. Instead of admitting fear and anxiety, it is easier to get angry.

Finally, the accumulation of all of this loss, grief, anxiety, and anger is exhausting. Our relational life feels as if it’s in low gear. What used to be easy now feels like a chore. We have become relationally, emotionally, and spiritually flabby. We are exhausted! You should probably take an extended vacation. But there is nowhere to go and money is tight anyway. Instead of admitting the exhaustion, it is easier to get grouchy.

Repeat it with me: I am grieving. I am afraid. I am anxious. I am exhausted. At my best, I can admit this. At my worst, I just become angry and grouchy.

The next time a congregant or core team member tells you that “you aren’t taking the pandemic seriously enough,” or “that you are capitulating to the government too much,” or that “your church isn’t doing enough to stand for justice” or that “your stance for justice is compromising the church’s orthodoxy,” take a deep breath, and repeat this to yourself: I am grieving. I am afraid. I am anxious. I am exhausted. At my best, I can admit this. At my worst, I just become angry and grouchy.

Then, you can say something like this to the well-meaning churchgoer:

“I don’t know if you are like me, but wow, this has been such a hard year. The losses keep piling up; there is so much to grieve. It is hard to contend with my fear and anxiety, so I tend to just get angry. Everything takes so much more energy than it used to. I am exhausted and it is making me grouchy. I don’t know if you are like me, but I’m calling 2020 ‘The Year of the Grinch,’ and I’m asking God to take me below my anger and grouchiness so I can find my grief, anxiety, fear, and exhaustion.

“I want to name those things that I am feeling because when I do, I trust that I might hear God say, ‘Yes, my child, hope deferred does make the heart sick. What a year of heartache and heartbreak! But, my child, don’t forget the rest of the story: When desire is fulfilled it is a tree of life (Proverbs 13:12b). This year it seems as if the fig tree did not bud, that there are no grapes on the vines, that the olive crop has failed, and the fields have produced no food. There are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls. Yet I can help you rejoice and be glad — Your God, your Savior has not left you (adapted from Habakkuk 3:17,18). Your desires will be fulfilled again, my child. Do not lose heart. Trust in me.’”

About the Author:

Bart Garrett is Senior Director of Training and Partnership for City to City Bay Area and the Lead Pastor at Walnut Creek Presbyterian Church. Previously, Bart founded Christ Church East Bay in 2006, with locations in Berkeley and Oakland, and served as senior pastor for nearly fifteen years.

Bart has a passion to see church planters and pastors live as healthy and whole persons, and leads incubators, cohorts, and pastor-to-pastor groups with that end in mind.