Define “Indian-American”.
Welcome!
I think it is quite apt that my first post is about being Indian-American. Specifically, Tamil-American. I consider my heritage and ethnicity a big part of my identity. Simply put, I cannot define “Indian- American”. If I were to, I would have to define the realities and lives of thousands of Indian- Americans, none of them the same.
Growing up in a predominantly Caucasian suburb and attending schools where I was one of the few minorities played a big role in the way I perceived who I was and where I came from.
I remember playing with neighborhood kids and one of them asking why I was brown. I replied “I am Indian.” They then thought I was a Native American. I, dutifully, proceeded to inform them of Christopher Columbus’ error.
In grade school, I was the only POC in my class. This was around the time that Cheetah Girls: One World and Slumdog Millionaire came out. I felt in order for others to have some appreciation and understanding of my culture, I had to fit under the broad umbrella of who an Indian is. Both of these movies were based in North India. I had experienced none of it, it was as foreign to me as it was to others. Yet, others would still group me and the movies together. Jenice? Indian. Cheetah Girls India. It wasn’t demeaning or humiliating, it was just inaccurate.
I was, often, called “too whitewashed”. When I embraced my Tamil heritage, I was “too brown” and I was a “FOB” (Fresh Off the Boat). Even when I embraced both my American culture and Tamil culture, people still commented on it. This is one of the experiences that many Indian- Americans do share. We are criticized on how much and what parts of ourselves we accept and exude. What does “being brown” or “whitewashed” even mean? Yes, I am brown. And yes, I was born and raised in America. Both of these facts play a big role in my interests and who I am. Because of this, while I am so proud of my identity, it quite often feels like I don’t fit in anywhere. Not even fully into the Indian- American identity just because everyone is so vastly different and there is a wide range of cultures and languages at play.
I want to have a little validation moment for all my fellow Indian- Americans. We are constantly straddling the line between two very different cultures on top of the regular trials and tribulations of life. I see you. I am proud of you. To me, I think that is what being Indian- American is. Handling that balance of two cultures however you believe is best, whatever the best fit is for you (as long as you don’t hate or criticize the way others handle it all). And this is allowed to be a constantly changing aspect as people grow and adjust. We are all from different places, braving the confusion and criticism.
If Indian- American cultures were a trip, it’d be a transatlantic flight with different stops, layovers, and experiences; each innately unique and wonderful.
