‘I’m Fucked Up’

Andréa Maria Cecil
Nov 7 · 2 min read

It was two years before Damian came to terms with the gravity of his deeds.

“It took me a really long time to realize, ‘I’m fucked up.’”

Although he immediately took responsibility for fatally stabbing his wife and toddler, he hadn’t come to terms with his self.

“It took me a really long time to look at the person in the mirror and say, ‘You know what, you have to change everything about you. What you did was really fucked up and you have to figure out who that person was, who you are today and who you want to be in the future.’ That wasn’t an immediate thing.”

Image by 412designs from Pixabay

For nearly two years, Damian couldn’t believe he had done what he had done. He kept thinking he was going to see his wife walk into the room, holding their youngest son.

But it never happened.

He’d wake up every day in prison and realize he wasn’t having a nightmare.

“Maybe I was trying to lie to myself or something,” Damian said. “I literally could not believe it was me. I couldn’t believe I committed this heinous act.”

He added: “It was denial.”

Over time, however, reality progressively set in.

“I don’t know what the steps to grieving are. They say (there are) five steps. Maybe it was that.”

— — —

After he was arrested on the night of his crime, police in Aurora, Colorado, led Damian down a hallway to an interrogation room.

“I remember there was two plain-clothed police officers, and they had both my kids,” he said, referring to his two surviving children, who were 5 and 6 years old at the time.

“I don’t think we were supposed to cross paths. Both my son and daughter just looked at me. Then they ushered them off.”

He hasn’t seen his son since then, Jan. 18, 2005. His daughter, meanwhile, visited him about 14 years later.

About the Author

Andréa Maria Cecil is a career editor and writer whose experience includes six years as Assistant Managing Editor and Head Writer at CrossFit Inc. headquarters. She spent the first 12 years of her professional life as a journalist — starting with The Associated Press in Detroit and Baltimore — before transitioning to content marketing with an emphasis on authentic storytelling. She is the editor of “Speal: A David and Goliath Story” by Chris Spealler that sold 10,000 copies worldwide.

Redemption Chronicle

Highlights of my conversations with a convicted murderer. In 2005, Damian Arguello fatally stabbed his wife and toddler while high on crack cocaine. He’s served 14 years of a life sentence and is trying to change the man he used to be.

Andréa Maria Cecil

Written by

Career writer and editor. Passionate about storytelling.

Redemption Chronicle

Highlights of my conversations with a convicted murderer. In 2005, Damian Arguello fatally stabbed his wife and toddler while high on crack cocaine. He’s served 14 years of a life sentence and is trying to change the man he used to be.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade