2018 Kicked My Ass Hard
This is What I Learned
When I say I’m glad it’s over I mean that with every thing in me. It started out like any new year does. With piss and vinegar and hopes for success in world domination. Midyear it was clear that wasn’t going to happen and it slowly started spiraling downward.
Here we sit mid-December and I pray for it to hurry up and end. All of it.
Let’s recap this year from hell.
In January I made the huge decision to resign from my Social Media client work and go it alone. Facebook Instant Articles was bringing in a decent earning as was sharing links through Providr. Those plus my ad earnings from my site and random writing jobs and I was doing ok.
Until this happened.
In February Facebook changed all the algorithms and kicked all us page owners in the face. My Instant Article earnings took a massive nose dive as did the earnings from Providr. So much for that idea.
Lesson #1. Do not ever rely on Facebook for anything ever, never, unless you’re willing to pay (lots) to play.
I begged and borrowed to get through the next few months barely surviving on my measly income. If it wasn’t for my son, I’d be on the streets selling tortillas or, worse yet, working at the local brothel.
Midyear I kicked my Medium writing into high gear to try to make some extra income. It was helping a wee bit. Also midyear, I moved into a new apartment and the man who I had been dating for a year went back to his country (US). Needless to say, I was emotionally numb and couldn’t focus on work at all.
Lesson #2. Guard your heart carefully when you know something is going to be temporary.
A little past halfway through the year and onward I worked my fucking ass off to get my site to where I wanted it to be. I finally managed to get decent page views and applied to the higher ad paying agency Mediavine 4 times and got rejected all 4 times. It was a devastating blow.
I continued to work my ass off, writing, promoting my eBook, my Angel Card readings and anything else I had to offer. Still nothing. I read blogs on blogging, I joined educational Facebook groups and asked questions like a 4 year old. Who, what, where, when, why, and how.
I was getting answers and it was finally starting to make sense to me. The more I learned about website stuff and blogging, the better I was getting at it.
Lesson #3. Never stop learning, applying and growing, and no question is a stupid question.
Then back in June I reached out to a close family member via Facebook messenger. She never replied. And I haven’t talked to her at all. Actually I think Mother’s Day was the last time we spoke. She never wished me a Happy Birthday in September and I doubt I’ll get a Merry Christmas call or message.
So much for that. :/
Lesson #4. Family isn’t always blood.
The whole year was spent totally stressed out, crying, angry, frustrated leaving me feeling hopeless too many times. I painted on a happy face everywhere I went. I smiled at the camera while deep down inside I felt like dying.
This was one of the most emotionally draining and frustrating years I’ve ever had in a long long time. I’m so done.
But I wrap up this year knowing I did my best. I’m growing and learning. I’ve learned to have more faith in myself and my abilities.
I’ve learned to keep an eye on my why. Why am I here? What am I here to do? How bad do I want it? What do I have to do to get it?
This year has also taught me resilience, perseverance, determination and proper work ethic. It opened my eyes to who I am and how important my purpose is to me.
Though this year can fuck.right.off I’m kinda glad it kicked me this hard. It taught me a lot of things I might have otherwise never learned. I needed these lessons.
We grow through adversity. We appreciate things more when we have to work ridiculously hard for them. We don’t mind getting dirty when we’re up against a wall.
Every day can’t be sunny. Some days it’s gonna pour so hard on you. Learn to dance and laugh in the rain. If you hide from all the storms, how will you grow?
Now I can’t say the whole year was all bad. Of course there were some stand out moments that I will hold close to my heart forever. And the year is actually ending quite nicely. Thank you Universe.
Another higher ad paying agency has accepted me and earnings are going well. I picked up two new writing contracts and Medium is coming through for me nicely too.
But I’ll sure be glad when this year is over and then, you know, we can start 2019 with piss and vinegar and plans to dominate the world ;)
Peace and Love
ox iva xo