Is your Barista your Bestie? Is this healthy?
We are now more likely to have a close relationship with our barista than our neighbour — is this a healthy social connection or a growing trend of social isolation?
The Lort Smith Adoption Hub is often awash with emotions as both humans and animals converge seeking companionship. Across from the glass window holding back the kittens, Dani serves up coffee & food at a pop-up care of The Smith. This coffee counter is a popular spot for us Australian Red Cross workers nearby, so Dani gets lots of friendly visitors, but officially has no colleagues.
It’s entirely possible that Dani is the most connected person across the entire company; almost every new member of our team found that talking to Dani was first cab off the rank when settling in. When we approached her to talk about this, she’s found a lot of comfort in these relationships as well.
Everyone loves the yarn at their local coffee shop, and nobody knows their neighbour. So what does this mean?
Is knowing your Barista better than your Neighbour a healthy social connection, or a growing trend of social isolation?
Regardless of where your social relationships exist, the complex and insidious condition known as loneliness deserves a closer look. ABC reports loneliness is reaching an epidemic level, so the urgency is upon us.
We have observed that social isolation is on the rise as our lives cause us to spend time alone, disconnected, with many more changes and transitions occurring. In the next five years, we expect 50% of our time to be spent in a blend of physical and digital, known as “hybrid realities” (sceptical? Count the time spent staring into your phone).
The problem is social isolation causes loneliness, and once you’re lonely it often self-perpetuates social isolation.
It’s deceptively easy to mistake someone suffering from Loneliness for someone seeking the increasingly rare state of Solitude: enjoyable time alone. What is often missed is that when solitude is unpleasant, it’s loneliness which is painful and a form of torture. Consider that solitary confinement is the ultimate form of punishment in the prison system.
What’s even stranger is that we don’t anticipate or prepare for Loneliness. Like hunger or fatigue, it is something we will all experience in our lifetimes. When left untreated, it becomes acute and often chronic. So why don’t we talk about it?
It’s undeniable that loneliness is a public health concern when you consider the mental and physical health costs. Yet, an individual will rarely admit to feeling lonely and society hasn’t developed systems to help chronic sufferers.
But let’s rewind and clarify the relationships at play: there are increasing levels of chronic loneliness in society caused by increasing levels of societal isolation.
Social isolation is caused by many factors, but usually triggers and embeds during the change periods where our networks are disrupted. Once you’re lonely, you’re more likely to opt out of help and more likely to reject messages of compassion. Society observes this recoil and naturally reduces the extension of help.
It seems the relationship between mental health conditions and loneliness is a particularly cruel and curious relationship. I was surprised to learn that becoming mentally ill is a common trigger for chronic loneliness. Once you’re mentally ill, you are more likely to be socially isolated which leads to long term loneliness. That loneliness will cause other mental and physical illness.
Once it sets deep, the cycle is difficult to break.
But are we facing an epidemic?
Part of the challenge about addressing Loneliness is whether it should be considered a “sickness”. It may seem semantic, but you communicate vastly different messages when you call “hunger” a sickness versus labelling famine as a sickness of our society.
Perhaps part of the barriers around loneliness is the stigma of being the “lonely kid” never wore off.
As a society, we are also in the process of redefining what a healthy social connection actually looks like. Just because we’re more likely to have a relationship with our barista than our neighbour doesn’t necessarily mean we’re socially isolated. Even within isolated communities, there are “super connectors” able to create meaning amidst significant loneliness and isolation. By studying the characteristics of these people thriving, we can teach these self-sustaining capabilities to others.
As we observe the rapid growth in casual and ‘gig’ style, The Australian Red Cross is exploring this concept in context of how loneliness manifests in these communities. We will continue to share insights as we uncover the trends in this space.
What can you do as an individual
Like most human issues, this one can and must be solved by the power of people. When you exchange openly with others in society, whether great or small, you’re building social connections. You can create meaning for others and yourself by being curious, exploring and learning. These are the characteristics that draw us together and help combat loneliness.
And don’t forget to say g’day, to whomever you value
