All for a batch of bad Salsa

As of the writing of this story, we live about a block from Walmart.
That’s relevant because it makes my riding my bike there for groceries a normal thing.

It’s actually faster to ride there and than it is to drive, because I don’t have to park my car, I can just lay my bike against the wall.

So with those facts out of the way let me tell you about the most expensive batch of really bad salsa we’ve ever had.

I had the day off so we had just been hanging out at the house and I decided that we needed salsa, so I hopped on my bike to get the cilantro, a lime, and some jalapenos.

It had been sprinkling all day off and on so the road was a little damp but nothing to be concerned about. My route to the store cuts across about 20 feet of grass and then lands me in the parking lot at the back of Walmart.

As I came up to the building I hit the brakes, but much to my dismay nothing happened. Apparently, when I took my shortcut through the grass my rims had gotten wet. Fortunately, I have lightening fast reaction times so I went to put my foot on the tire to slow myself down… Unfortunately, I have clown feet. I missed my tire and found my spokes.

So,I did my best impression of this guy minus the smoke and Sean Connery. I landed about three feet from the back wall of Walmart. In full view of a few security cameras.

I’m not entirely sure hitting the wall would have been worse.

As I sat there on the ground doing my post wipe out examination making sure there was no profuse bleeding or broken bones I realized I had broken my watch. I stood up to get it and got pretty dizzy so I sat back down to let the world stop spinning. After a few seconds I tried again, still spinning. So I sat back down.

Eventually, the world stopped spinning so I went and drug my bike (with wheels now locked up) to the wall and set it there. In grabbing my bike I realized that my wrist hurt. I didn’t really think anything of it though because there was a lot of me that was hurting.

I figured I may as well go and get my salsa ingredients so this wasn’t a wasted trip. I grabbed all my stuff (except the limes because somehow they were out of limes) and then headed back home. I was on my way out and remembered I needed to grab some milk, so I went to grab it with my left hand… Bad idea. it hurt. A lot.

So I grabbed it with my right hand and checked out, then I put my bag on my bike and walked/drug it back home.

When I opened the door I told Brionna that I thought I broke my hand. Her paraphrased response.

“No you didn’t.”
“Pretty sure I did.”
“Well, I had a baby last month so don’t expect any sympathy from me.”

I love this woman. (I’m not joking)

So, I went from not super helpful, to basically useless in the helping with babies… Sorry Brionna!

Because this is why anyone would read this.
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