Signs of A Deeply Boring Person
Note that this is less about a person being boring and more about how the society views them as boring. For measuring intelligence, we have objective scales, but there is no “measuring scale” for how boring someone is because this is not an objective, measurable characteristic.
“I can excuse everything but boredom. Boring people don’t have to stay that way.” — Hedy Lamarr
Here are some signs of a deeply boring person:
They have not many friends. In today’s world where everyone’s individuality and self-reliance are celebrated, most people are not really close to others and most people don’t have true friends that they could easily reach out for catching up often and hanging out and speaking their minds freely. But there is difference between you avoiding people (because you want to be self-reliant or for other reasons) and people avoiding you.
Wherever they go, people avoid them. A renowned scientist could be highly popular in their field, yet in a rave party, they could be unpopular. A popular rap artist could be a much-loved celebrity figure with thousands of fans and stalkers, yet in a community devoted to religious meetings and gatherings, they could be unwelcome. Different people have different passions and interests, we all prioritize certain things, people, and communities over others, but if someone is unwelcome almost everywhere they go, chances are that they are a highly boring person.
They don’t have many interests and hobbies. How does this work, you may ask. A person who is actively involved in many different projects or adventures or enthusiastic activities is usually self-sufficient when it comes to keeping their life interesting and going. They are often busy doing something or the other, so they rarely have to go seek another person’s company and emotional validation from others. This way, they don’t have to ask to be accepted by others, so others don’t feel that they are boring.
They usually have a lot of free time, but don’t know what to do. Someone who is mentally preoccupied with things and is emotionally engaged with something, either interesting things or even interpersonal drama, usually would feel that they have not much free time. Yes, when we take career breaks or go on vacations or when we have finished all the tasks in our to-do list and are relaxing, then we will tend to feel like we have some free time. But when someone often has a lot of time, it means that not only have they been asked to do anything by others, but even they themselves are trying hard to push time, while not doing anything interesting or memorable.
They have little to no curiousity about the world they live in. Most of us stay updated with the latest news and happenings in our preferred areas of interest. This could be anything, like movies or music or sustainability or fashion or reading books or the latest elctronic gadgets. But a deeply boring person rarely feels the need or the motivation to learn about anything seriously.
They have nothing to offer in a conversation. Again, an average person may be highly knowledegeable in their favourite areas of interests, and none of us really knoe everything, but we all can contribute to a conversation once we feel comfortable and the subject is a familiar one. But a boring person can make only small talk mostly, and because they don’t feel the need to learn anything new, they would have no interesting perspective to offer in most conversations.
They have no opinions or interesting perspectives of their own. Imagine the last time you saw two or more highly political people or celebrities or activists or leaders engaging in a respectful or even aggressive debate. You might support one and/or disagree with another, you might even feel one or more of them are being “selfish” or “opportunistic” or “arrogant” or even “evil”, but “boring” would not be the first word you would have in mind. To develop one’s own opinions, one needs to think deeply and mull over their observations and think through others’ beliefs, too. A boring person would rarely do any of these.
“Don’t box your children in and tell them that everything is a sin. You’ll produce either rebels, or very boring people.” — C. Joybell C.
They are highly predictable. Boring people usually lead routine, monotonous lives. This is not to be confused with a disciplined lifestyle. In the case of the disciplines person, they consciously practice such a lifestyle and are good at self-control, but a boring person leads a routine and usually boring lifestyle because they have nothing better to do. If they are going to come to an event, you can guess how their appearance will be. If they enter a conversation, you know what you can expect them to say.
They don’t take any initiaves. An adventurous or excited person is by nature an initiator. They initiate more than just conversations or debates. It could be things that are planned well in advance or even last-minute plans. It could be meeting someone in a local shop or flying on a vacation, but they enjoy not just the event or destination but every part of the journey starting from thinking of ideas and making plans. A boring person on the other hand has to force themselves to initiate any plan, even something that involves only themselves (and such events rarely ever happen).
They rely on others a lot when they have questions. Because of their lack of motivation and lack of curiousity, they expect others to hold their hand at every step and explain every little thing to them one by one. Yes, all of us ask questions and rely on people who know something that we would like to know about. For example, we seek the help of doctors or cops or professors or experienced people when we need to learn something, especially when it is very important. But always asking others to spell it all out for you, wherever you go, and whatever the subject could be, anyone would get bored and annoyed after answering your questions for a while!
Even simple things, which one can easily find out for themselves, they would expect others to tell and explain to them. It is okay to ask, “Where is the kicthen?” when you have newly joined a company or community, but asking, “Where is the cookie jar?”, “What items do they sell there?”, “How much does the food cost there?”, “What is the quality of the food they serve?”, “Can I get chocolate there?”, … When you act like this, you have already tested your busy co-worker’s patience more than a few times.
In a world where time is of utmost importance for one and all, if you would always ask others the things you can find out by yourself, with a little Googling or reading or effort, accept that nobody is going to want to play that role.
They kind of know that they are boring, have tried to do something, but it has not worked. Most of us are smart enough to know when we are avoided anywhere we go, whereas there are other people around us who are welcome and loved by many. We can see the difference. And it’s a good feeling to be warmly accepted and validated by different people without having to ask for it, so boring people at some point in their lives would have tried to be that interesting person, but it’s likely that they have failed.
“If you are lonely when you are alone, you are in bad company.” — Jean Paul Sartre
They don’t have the habit of reading. Reading books is helpful in many, many ways. It could make you learn something new, it could make you feel new things, it could pull your heartstrings, it could enlighten you, it could make you laugh and forget your pain, it could help you learn about different cultures, it could give you new perspectives, and it could take you to a whole new world (fiction or non-fiction). A person who prioritises reading would rarely bore others because inside their heads, they are seeing exciting events unfolding everyday.
They have a poor sense of humour. To have and develop a good sense of humour, one must have spent a lot of time learning subconsciously how to joke and what sells as a joke, socializing much, chatting and talking actively to different people, and experimenting with throwing around their own jokes. A socially active person usually tends to pick up this skill naturally, but someone who has not had such experiences and who does not read much either would fail terribly if they were asked to share some cool jokes.
They are often bored themselves. It is agreed by many people that boring people are usually also bored with themselves and their lives because there is nothing interesting going on with them. They are not invited to cool parties, nobody reaches out to them with exciting plans, requesting them to join, nobody seeks their opinions about hot and happening stuff, and they feel left out. The “feeling bored — going out and meeting or talking to others — boring others — getting avoided — getting back to feeling bored” cycle continues.
While being a boring person is not something wrong or immoral or unhealthy, it could still affect one’s social life much. It’s a fact that nobody likes to be around a boring person all the time. People gravitate towards people, events, and experiences that they find interesting. Also, having a poor social life could affect other areas of your life, especially interpersonal relationships.
If you have noticed, some of these signs could also mean that a person is either feeling lonely and/or is depressed, and in that case, they must seek professional help. On the other hand, if there is nothing clinical to worry about, if it is just that the society views someone as perpetually boring, and if this person wants to change that perception and become interesting, if this is an adult we are talking about, then the responsibility is entirely on them. They must put in the effort and accept reality. They must learn not to expect others to want to spend time with them until they stop being that boring person. They must be willing to change and show others that they have changed.
