Bridesmaid Confessions: “Your Wedding Cost Us Our Friendship”
By Refinery29
We’re asking real bridesmaids to spill the beans — anonymously, of course — on every wedding-related expense, from the engagement all the way to the big day. Today, a woman who was downgraded from matron of honour to bridesmaid before getting kicked out of her cousin’s wedding.
Job: Copywriter
Age: 27
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Annual Salary: $40,000 (£30,000)
Total Number Of Bridesmaids: “Originally four, then three, then two. One girl was kicked out after she and her boyfriend broke up (he was a groomsman); later, I also got the boot.”
Relationship To Bride: “Cousin and lifelong friend.”
The Bridesmaid Dress
How much were the dress and shoes?
“After a big dress-shopping snafu, I went shopping with the bride again. She chose an A-line lace dress in plum. It was $150. She texted the bridal party a week later telling us one girl was no longer in the wedding (without explanation) and that we should cancel our order for the first dress and order a new dress — a tight-fitting cocktail dress with a bustier-style top for an extra $40.
“I paid $50 for a pair of grey shoes to go with the first dress and then ordered new shoes (mercifully, only $45 on clearance) to go with the second dress. I also got a clutch to go with it — for $30. My mom did the alterations.”
What was your dress-shopping experience?
“Horrible. The bride had no vision for what she wanted, other than tea or cocktail length. I tried on dozens of dresses in all sorts of styles. At the end of the day, the bride was leaning toward a very fitted lace cocktail dress.
“I pointed out that while the dress was $190, it would likely require difficult and costly alterations. I felt like I was the one that had to point this out, because I sew a lot and understand what’s needed to make a garment fit and how difficult it can be to take apart lining, boning, lace, and put it back together; I felt a responsibility to explain to everyone that this $190 dress might end up costing $250 or more, and that maybe the other A-line dress we had considered might be a better option.
“The bride didn’t like me saying this and she yelled at me in front of the other bridesmaids and the entire bridal salon about me being negative, stressing her out, and a whole mess of unrelated issues -including, but not limited to, how she didn’t like the dress she wore in my wedding (which I paid for). I was mortified. It was difficult to bounce back after that, but I apologised to her before we left the salon. And then via text the next day and on the phone shortly afterward. I felt tremendously guilty for ruining the shopping trip, even though that was absolutely not my intent.”
Wedding-Day Details & Costs
When and where was the wedding?
“October in Wisconsin. It was only an hour from my home.”
Did you pay for hair and makeup?
“I was set to do my own makeup and nails. The bride said she would pay for the hair.”
How much did you spend on gifts?
“$125. I bought some items off the registry for the shower and ordered a more sentimental one — a custom gift from Etsy for the wedding.”
The Bachelorette Party
Where was the bachelorette?
“Door County, WI. It’s a pretty popular summer-vacation destination for families and couples. It’s not really known for its nightlife, though it does have a lot of nice wineries.”
Did you organise the bachelorette?
“I didn’t. The maid of honour did.”
How much did you spend on it?
“I wasn’t able to attend the bachelorette party, because I was attending a close friend’s wedding that same weekend. The maid of honour booked the three-day weekend before asking me if I was available that date. I felt awful, so I called the bride shortly after getting the invitation to apologise and she seemed to understand.”
The Bridal Shower
Where was the shower?
“At the mother of the bride’s home.”
Did you organize or host the event?
“Yes. I did both. I spoke with the mother of the bride at least six weeks in advance and we agreed she’d take care of the food and I’d take care of the decorations, prizes, favours, games, and anything else. I’m pretty crafty and I enjoy this sort of thing, so I was happy to do it. Plus, since I couldn’t attend the bachelorette, I felt like this was my place to really show the bride how much I cared.
“There were a few other family weddings the same summer, so I really tried to make this shower stand out from the others. I created this tropical-type theme that felt festive for early August and corresponded well with her St. Lucia honeymoon destination. I thought it turned out really well — a lot of guests and family told me how cute it looked and that they really enjoyed their prizes and favours. I was feeling good about it. But later, the bride told me it was tacky.”
How much did the shower cost?
“Prizes: $80 for your standard candle/soap/lotion bridal-shower prizes; though they all matched the tropical theme.
“Favors for 40 guests: $120
Decor and craft supplies: $225
Paper goods (cups, plates, table runners, etc): $100
“My sister made some really beautiful handmade decorations, as well (they totally stole the show and garnered a lot of compliments). I have no idea how much she spent on those craft supplies — I just think it was very generous for her to contribute that time, the supplies, and the extreme patience needed to add glitter to dozens of tiny paper hibiscus flowers. God bless her.”
What was the craziest part of being a bridesmaid?
“Being kicked out of the wedding. Twelve days prior to the wedding, the bride called me to say she’d rather me be a bridesmaid than a matron of honour. I felt like it was a slap in the face, since I had thrown her a fabulous shower a few weeks prior. Not to mention the title change didn’t impact the wedding at all, since I was fine with the maid of honour making the speech, standing closest to the bride during the ceremony, etc.
“It seemed like a purposeful slight, something to take me down a notch when I was already feeling pretty down. Since I made waves by not loving the bridesmaid dress, the bride had been distant and didn’t talk to me much — she rarely returned my calls or texts. When we did speak, it felt off. I could just tell she was not interested in hearing from me.
“After I was told I was no longer matron of honour, I met her at her house to clear things up, but the conversation quickly devolved and she told me that the shower was tacky, I only ever called her to ask what I could help her with for the wedding (yes, this was a complaint), I was a liar because I told her sister I could make the bachelorette (Which was false — I told the bride ASAP and explained the situation, which she seemed okay with at that time.), and she topped it all off by saying that we were never really friends.
“That cut me really deep, because we had always called each other BFF. Always. I treated this girl like a sister my whole life. For her to say we weren’t ever close was the equivalent of your partner saying, ‘I never loved you.’ At the end of this conversation, she made it clear that I was no longer in the wedding party. The aftermath had a huge impact on our families. We’re no longer speaking.”
What was the worst part of being a bridesmaid?
“Losing my best friend. Followed by not actually being a bridesmaid. I went into the situation excited to help my BFF with her big day, to talk flowers and dresses, to make a speech, the whole nine yards; I left the situation feeling emotionally bankrupt.”
Originally published at https://www.refinery29.com.
