Queer Women Share The Most Romantic Dates They’ve Ever Been On
It’s a bit of a cliché that queer women know how to have the best first dates. Lesbian memes about driving across the country and dates extending for days abound. But clichés exist for a reason. Dates between queer women are often planned down to the last detail, involving candles, poetry and picnics on the beach.
Generalisations aside, I have dated both men and women and while I have experienced romantic dates with male partners, these have generally been during long-term relationships, or they have been orchestrated by me. In my experience with queer women, the romance and attention to detail is there from the very first date — whether that’s at a poetry reading, a private exhibition, a themed film night or a stroll around a literary graveyard.
Perhaps it’s because women are conditioned to be more nurturing and attentive or because queer relationships are free from limiting gender roles that lay out who should do what. A queer relationship starts on a more equal footing and it can be easier to find common interests. So I decided to reach out to other queer women to ask about their best dating experiences. Whether you’re single and bored of always going on the same sort of Tinder date or you want inspiration for what to do with your long-term partner, here’s what they had to say.
Lene, 26: “Our first date was a week-long vacation in Spain”
My first date with Wendi, my girlfriend of almost three years, was a week-long holiday to Spain. We initially met on the dating app Her when Wendi was in Oslo, where I lived at the time, for a few days visiting a friend. After talking every day for a month or so, she jokingly suggested that we should travel somewhere together before she went back to Singapore for the summer.
We decided to meet up in Spain as we were both going there around the same time. She’s from Singapore and I’m from Norway, so it was the only chance we had to meet up before she went back home. After loads of romantic evenings on the beach, drinking wine and eating pizza from a takeaway box, we decided to commit to the relationship. Needless to say, it was a pretty intense but absolutely amazing week and probably the most surreal experience of my life.
After two months in Singapore she moved to London for her master’s and six months later, I moved down to London to live with her. We’ve now been living together for two years.
Nora, 24: “We had blue paint smudged all over our faces and necks”
Heather and I started our relationship in a whirlwind. It felt like a rollercoaster with ups and downs. It was really intense. We met on our MA at Central Saint Martins and apparently I couldn’t stop staring at Heather and was always moving closer to her in class.
Four months later we were sat on the ground outside my flat in Bethnal Green. We had just been to a party and were painted blue. I had (with Heather’s help) cut out circles in my trousers and painted my bum blue with white clouds, and I remember being freezing with my bum on the ground. Heather held me in her arms and leaned into me, and said she was feeling so much love for me. I could hear her heart thumping. Then Heather asked if I would be her girlfriend. We had blue paint smudged all over our faces and necks.
We spent the next 13 days nonstop together, and actually we’ve spent most days together since then. It feels like a holiday every morning, waking up next to Hev.
Heather, 25: “We watched the sun set over the Spanish mountains”
One of my most memorable dates with my girlfriend was when we were staying at her house in Spain. She’d been looking after me for the last couple of weeks and been there throughout surgery the week before, because my foot had been fractured. I really wanted to make her feel that she was 100% appreciated so me and my brother made her a three-course meal while she slept.
Originally, I told her I was taking her to a restaurant. I carried all the food up the stairs to the balcony on my bum — I couldn’t walk because of my fractured foot. As she stepped out to go to the restaurant, I opened the door to the balcony where I’d made her this three-course meal.
We watched the sun set over the Spanish mountains and ate and fucked under the orange sky.
Mo, 20: “She asked me what pronouns I use”
Almost three years ago, I matched with a girl on Tinder with the same name as me. We met for drinks at a local vegan bar. “You’re really beautiful. What pronouns do you use?” she asked me. I blushed and complimented her back as we exchanged pronouns. It felt really validating in the moment that she didn’t seem to care what pronouns I used. She just wanted to respect them and get to know me better. We talked about music, art, pop culture, university and our mutual distaste for men until we almost forgot what time it was. “Tequila shots?” I asked as I called us a taxi. She giggled and nodded her head.
Her friend was playing a show in an abandoned warehouse across town, and she had asked me before our date if that was something I’d be into. It definitely was. We danced and drank the night away. It was a hot and muggy September night, so we kept taking cigarette breaks outside to get some fresh air. During one of those times I decided it was time to go in for a kiss. I lit her cigarette, smiled at her for a second nervously and asked: “So can I kiss you?” She grinned from ear to ear and exclaimed “Yes!” as she brought me in. Later into our relationship, my girlfriend told me that was the first time anyone had ever asked her if they could kiss her before doing it, and that it made her want to kiss me even more. (Who said consent isn’t sexy?!)
The whole night was pretty magical, considering there was never another concert at that warehouse. It feels almost like a dream, except my partner of now almost three years remembers it too. What we both find so special about that night, aside from our instant emotional connection, is the amount of communication and consent that was present at all times.
Asking important questions about pronouns, substance use (is it okay to drink around you?) and consent can make the environment of a first, second or third date way more comfortable for everyone involved.
Nancy, 21: “I got a train across the country to go on a date that lasted for four days”
A lot of my other queer friends love to do the whole fancy cocktails and dinner thing but I’d much rather keep it feeling a bit more casual, with the option of spontaneity rearing its head as the night goes on. A couple of weeks ago I went on a date with a girl to the nightclub Heaven, where our friend who set us up was DJing, so we were obviously dancing to Dua Lipa until 3am, at which point we got kicked out for climbing on the stage and flashing people — it was actually incredibly romantic. The week after, I got a train across the country to go on a date with her that started at a Wetherspoons and ended up lasting for four days.
Originally published at https://www.refinery29.com.
