To everybody who has ever asked an adoptee about their views on abortion —
You may have thought that you knew what my answer might have been when you asked how I, an adoptee, felt about abortion. At the very least, you did catch me off guard with this question, but I’m writing to you now to say, once and for all, the things I didn’t have the wherewithal to say to you when you asked me this.
First of all, adoption and abortion are two different issues. I can see how you might want to lump them together since they are two of the options for an unexpected pregnancy, but the problem I have with this lumping together of options is the political and religious rhetoric you’ve poured on top of all of it, the idea that one option is superior to the other, the idea that adoptive parents deserve babies to adopt and to rescue, and worst of all, the idea that just by being adopted, I should be grateful I wasn’t aborted. The moral superiority that arrives in conversations like these is appalling.
The reason you asked, beyond the assumption that I should be ever grateful, is that you heard somewhere that because of abortions, there might not be enough babies for prospective parents so adoption agencies “push life.” And you’re right. Or, at least, I’ve heard this baseless argument before.
Adoption agencies did cry about baby shortages after 1973 when Roe v. Wade passed. But even if they were crying, were their claims true? I haven’t found any evidence that suggests so, but I do know that the Christian climate, especially the evangelicals, after that Supreme Court decision was especially toxic. Adoptive parents felt entitled to having babies available to adopt. Despite the cries of baby shortages, there was a haunting silence around the older children available for adoption, waiting in ill-kept state homes or wandering through foster-care. There was never a shortage of these children, but they weren’t a part of the conversation, and I’ll tell you why.
Adoptive parents, historically, have thought it might be easier to adopt a baby rather than an older child. Babies come with less emotional issues, it’s like a clean slate without all the biological history and trauma, they thought (and they absolutely thought wrong). But even adopted infants experience trauma, and there are many cases where infants express their grief through physical means. And really, if you’re adopting a baby because you think it will be easy, maybe you should rethink adopting and parenting at all.
But there’s another important reason as to why adoption agencies cried baby shortage, and that was to drive up their prices. It might be uncomfortable for you to think about, but adoption is an industry, and agencies make money off the babies they sell to adoptive parents. It isn’t a secret, but we shy away from talking about it because selling humans is wrong. Isn’t it? Don’t you agree? And yet here we are. I myself was $20K for my parents to bring home (and that’s accounting for inflation), but despite the fact that I only paid $7K with insurance to birth my own daughter, the cost to adopt a domestic baby in Texas is currently priced up to $45K.
Of course these agencies “push for life” as you say — it’s their entire business model! It serves them well to force or strongly persuade women without financial resources, more often than not women of color, to “make the right choice” and give up their babies to parents who can and will pay to adopt.
But maybe we should get back to your question: How do I feel about abortion? After all, the assumption you (and others like you) have made is that abortion is the more inferior of the two choices for unwanted or unexpected pregnancies so therefore, being an adoptee myself, I would be against abortion. Isn’t that what you expected me to say? That I’m so grateful I was rescued from poverty or unwed parents or a mother who didn’t have a support system or whatever the fuck? That like the system that tore me away from my mother’s breast, I too believe that God intervened in my life’s direction? And never mind the fact that abortion and adoption are both choices that leave women with lasting emotional scars, not to mention the lifelong trauma that adoptees will carry, oftentimes alone.
It disgusts me that such a personal choice, especially one that will be so full of grief no matter which option a woman chooses, is some political and religious soundbyte that we use to further divide ourselves with based on the opinions we hold, opinions which are, by the way, our views on other people’s bodies and what they should do with them.
So, to answer your question: I am pro-choice. Women deserve to make their own choices about their own bodies and babies, whether it’s terminating a pregnancy, keeping a baby, or giving a child up for adoption. And I believe these choices, as difficult as they already are, don’t need the shadow of toxic rhetoric you brought with you when you asked me this question.
Sincerely,
Shannon Quist, a Pro-Choice Adoptee
Rose’s Locket, now available on Amazon, and BookShop, is a fictional novel about a girl’s exploration into her adoption and life’s meaning. If you want to connect, find me on IG @shannonrquist or my website www.shannonquist.com
