Have a Promo Code?

Akash Gadiya
Published in
3 min readMay 13, 2018


Well at this rate, I think in a few years we’re going to have more promo codes than human beings.

There’s going to be a new type of disease called the ‘Promocophobia’. A fear of promo codes, which will be defined as “a condition when a user buying a product or service online freaks the shit out of himself at the sight of a question generally framed as ‘Have a promo code?’” (If you’re adding this to Wikipedia, give due credit to me okay)

I mean you never find a promo code (or coupon code or whatever) for the thing that you’re looking to buy. And if by mistake you do find it. The conditions attached to it will be so unreasonable so you’ll not be able to comply with them.

And if by any chance you happen to comply with the terms and conditions, the app will end up throwing up an error saying ‘Please enter a valid coupon code’.

Now if lady luck has a crush on you AND they’ve happened to develop a robust app and promo code mechanism… the payment will be unsuccessful!

And if again, you haven’t had enough and you decide to give it another shot, it will tell you that ‘the code is only valid one time per user.’


I mean you don’t know whether you have to be happy or relieved if your promo code has been applied successfully.

Soon, every seller, every product, every variant, every SKU is going to have its own promo code. Our entire planet is going to be taken over by these deadly promo codes. We’ll be vastly outnumbered. Like how the chimps cause havoc in the movie the ‘The Rise of the Planet of Apes.’, these promo codes and going to cause havoc in our digital world.

Forget Artificial Intelligence, robotics, internet of things, all these are going to be impasse. Promo Code Management is going to be THE most happening thing.

Data scientists will be seen juggling with huge spreadsheets of promo codes, programmers will be trying to write an algorithm that can tame these beasts.

Every time I see that question — have a promo code? I make it a point to go and write FURRRR there. All in upper case, mind you. FURRRR is basically the sound that you make while chasing pigeons. And I always get this message in return saying ‘Please enter a valid code’.

But I’m not going to give up. I’m going to cling on to my hope. I’m sure that one day even this promo code will earn me a discount. After all, going by the rate at which they are creating promo codes every milli-second, even this combination of letters has to get covered soon.

I mean you see these promo codes astray everywhere these days. On buses, on autos, on hoarding, on your timelines, on your notification bar, in your inbox, in your message box. Not before too long, they’ll take over WhatsApp as well. You’ll start receiving promo codes on WhatsApp as well.

You won’t believe people have started to depend on these promo codes for their daily bread and butter. For their livelihood. Already! You have websites and apps like Couponraja, Couponrani. I’m serious. Raja is for the beauties, Rani is for the beasts. There are so many more… Groupons and what not. You see, their whole business model is developed around these promo codes.

Even the Da Vinci code could be cracked. But a promo code! Hard luck.

I’m sure soon there’ll be so many promo codes that even Robert Langdon will not be able to decipher which one is for which.

Take my advice, forget cryptocurrencies, forget GST, Modi, BJP, Donald Trump and cat videos! Go after promo codes! Go out there and ask people ‘Do you have a promo code?’ Of-course if anyone happens to ask me, you know my answer! FURRRR. (In upper case, mind you!)



Akash Gadiya

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have miles to go before I sleep.