7 REASONS WHY WE DON’T SAY NO AND HOW TO FIX THEM
DO YOU SEE YOURSELF HERE?
The reasons we don’t say NO are many and varied.
Here are just a few:
1. We want to feel that our lives are worthwhile so we say YES, YES, YES.
If we aren’t doing something outstanding, important and fantastic, we believe that we are worthless. Thus, we keep collecting more things to do -– we never say NO. It is no longer enough to be who we are right now, we must be a brain surgeon on the side to feel worthwhile.
2. We seek approval from others so we say YES when we long to say NO.
After all, we reason, who could possibly like me for just being me? We believe that we need to do something more so others approve of us and love us. Thus, we say YES, trying to do more, seeking approval.
3. We feel so responsible for everyone and everything.
We say YES and continue to accept responsibility for things that aren’t ours to do and then we wonder why everyone else is sitting around doing nothing while we are scurrying around.
4. We feel overwhelming guilt if we say NO.
Everywhere we turn we are faced with pleas for help. Our spouse, our boss, our children, our child’s school, our elderly parents and friends cry out for our time and attention. Requests keep stacking up demanding something from us. It is too difficult to say NO, the guilt is too great.
5. We respond to the tyranny of the urgent.
Whenever there is a hint of a need,we are on our feet to meet that need. The urgent can become tyrannical and make a slave of us so that we never accomplish those things which are important to us. We are too busy responding to the urgent.
6. We have such unrealistic expectations of ourselves.
We try so hard to be the perfect person — friend, spouse, parent and co-worker. We become so surprised at ourselves when we get sick or become tired of performing duty after duty.
7. We assume the responsibility is ours.
When there is a need, we assume we are to meet that need. No thought is given…we plow right in, later wondering why we didn’t think and pray first instead of assuming WE were to do something.
Do you see yourself in any of the above reasons why you don’t say NO?
HOW TO SAY NO
Now that we see the dangers of not saying NO to some demands and the reasons why we don’t say NO, we can certainly see why NO in our vocabulary is necessary. Now we can discuss HOW to say NO.
1. Listen to the totality of what is being asked before you respond.
The hurried man or woman jumps in and says YES before he/she even has all of the facts. For example, when asked to create a resume for a friend, do we also factor in the time for the cover letter, envelope, making copies. consultation and corrections? Only after welistens to the entire task asked, should we thoughtfully and prayerfully consider if this is something we should be doing.
2. Say NO after you have given yourself time to weigh the pros and cons.
Too often we think we need to respond immediately to a request. We don’t take time to think a matter through from various viewpoints and to pray about what God wants. Instead we say yes and then go on to the next disaster. It would be far better to say, “Let me get back to you with my answer.”
3. Say NO politely and firmly, don’t waffle.
Can’t we just hear ourselves as we waffle, “Well, let me see what will work out…I’m not sure…My boss may need me that day…I’d like to…but let me see what develops….”
We give false hope when we give the wishy washy answer of maybe yes or maybe no. It would be far kinder to come right out and say NO if that is what we intended and need to say.
4. Say NO without all of the reasons, excuses and rationalizations.
“It just won’t work out” is a far better phrase than the 3000 words we use to cover the guilt we feel when we say NO.
5. As we say NO, we can kindly offer an alternative.
For example, “It just won’t work out for me to attach 3000 buttons on the banner but I do know a guy who loves to do that kind of thing….” You get the idea. Offering alternatives can soften a NO and provide a constructive alternative.
“But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’”
Matthew 5:37
Pondering this information, are there some tasks you need to say NO to in your life right now?
Author of “Balance for the Hurried Woman”, specializing in scriptural teaching, time management and health issues. Contact deuwriter333@gmail.com.
