*Saying NO Takes Practice
Try It! (When Appropriate)
This article will include:
Reasons Why We Don’t Say No
How to Say No
Reasons Why We Don’t say No
The reasons we don’t say NO are many and varied. Here are just a few:
1. We want to feel that our lives are worthwhile so we say YES, YES, YES.
If we aren’t doing something outstanding, important and fantastic, we believe that we are worthless. On Medium, for example, we post MORE articles, submit to MORE publications, join more read-to-read groups and strive to be Boosted. Yet we must be careful of this mindset of continuing to say YES even in the writing world..
2. We seek approval from others so we say YES when we long to say NO.
After all, we reason, who could possibly like me for just being me? We believe that we need to do something more so others approve of us and love us. Thus, we say YES, trying to do more, seeking love and approval.
3. We feel so responsible for everyone and everything.
We say YES and continue to accept responsibility for things that aren’t ours to do. Then we wonder why everyone else is sitting around doing nothing while we are scurrying around.
4. We feel overwhelming guilt if we say NO.
Everywhere we turn, we are faced with pleas for help. Our spouse, our boss, our children, our child’s school, our elderly parents and friends cry out for our time and attention. Requests keep stacking up demanding something from us. We won’t even mention the notifications we tackle daily. It is too difficult to say NO, the guilt is too great.
5. We respond to the tyranny of the urgent.
Whenever there is a hint of a need, we are on our feet to meet that need. The urgent can become tyrannical and make a slave of us so that we never accomplish those things which are important to us. We are too busy responding to the urgent.
6. We have such unrealistic expectations of ourselves.
We try so hard to be perfect to a friend, spouse, parent, child, co-worker and writing community participant. We feel like we need to write that next perfect article. We become so surprised at ourselves when we get sick or become tired of performing duty after duty.
7. We assume the responsibility is ours.
When there is a need, we assume WE are to meet that need. We don’t even give it a second thought…we plow right in, later wondering why we didn’t think and pray first instead of assuming something needed to be done.
Do you see yourself in any of the above reasons why you don’t say NO?
How to Say No
“ But above all, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath. But let your yes be yes, and your no, no….”
James 5:12.
Can we allow things to swirl around us as we say NO to them? Doing that certainly would give us more WRITING time!
Now that we see the dangers of not saying NO to some demands and the reasons why we don’t say NO, we can certainly see why NO in our vocabulary is NECESSARY.
How to say NO:
1. Listen to the totality of what is being asked before you respond.
We often jumps in and says YES before we have all of the facts. For example, as a writer, when asked to create a resume for a friend, do you also factor in the time for the cover letter, envelope, making copies. consultation and corrections? Only after we listen to the entire task asked of us, should we prayerfully consider if this is something that should be done by YOU.
2. Say NO after you have given yourself time to weigh the pros and cons.
Too often we think we need to respond immediately to a request. We don’t take time to think a matter through from various viewpoints and to pray about what God wants. Instead we say ‘yes’ and then go on to the next disaster. It would be far better to say, “Let me get back to you with my answer.”
3. Say NO politely and firmly, don’t waffle.
Can’t we just hear ourselves as we waffle, “Well, let me see what will work out…I’m not sure…Aunt Maude may need me that day…I’d like to…but let me see what develops….”
We give false hope when we give the wishy washy answer of maybe yes or maybe no. It would be far kinder to come right out and say NO if that is what we intended and need to say.
4. Say NO without all of the reasons, excuses and rationalizations.
“It just won’t work out” is a far better phrase than the 3000 words we use to cover the guilt we feel when we say NO. You can politely thank them for asking you but then say ‘no’ just as politely.
5. As we say NO, we can kindly offer an alternative.
For example, “It just won’t work out for me to sew 3000 buttons on the banner but I do know a lady who loves to sew on buttons….” You get the idea. Offering alternatives can soften a NO and provides a constructive alternative.
“But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’”
Matthew 5:37
Are there some tasks YOU need to say NO to right now?
“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”
Romans 12:2
Thank you for reading. If you want to read more from me, please SUBSCRIBE!
Please let me know if you would like to be added or deleted from my list:
Jemimah Lu Skerdoo Julie KingGood Sharon Meyers Nikita Rayne Johnson Susie Winfield Greg Smith Doris Rouse Paula Thomas Diana Pippin Sharon Hillam Ken Van Camp David James Aleena G Frances A. Chiu Trisha Faye Cheryl Wilding Grace Bianco Jenny Calvert Elizabeth Clark ImoThoughts Emily jones Your NativeFriend Piotrmak Marko T. Neale Thedmncproject
