*Second Mothers
Let’s honor them!
Many of us grew up with intact families. Others did not. Others of us had interruptions in our care.
Thankfully, I grew up in an intact family in the 1940–1960s. Mother, father and my two siblings lived under the same roof except when I was a baby. At that time, my mother was rushed to the big hospital in Philadelphia for back surgery. Even when she returned home, she would be unable to care for me, an active 9 month old.
Thus, my Dad’s sister and her husband stepped up to help.
Aunt Jo and Uncle Eddie were angels in human disguise.
Aunt Jo became my ‘second mother’ during my first year on earth. She became quite special to me. Thus, I wanted to write about her and honor her. Although gone from this earth for many years, I still think of her fondly!
Whether you are the mother, the child or the one who steps up to take care of others, we each have our unique purposes to fulfill.
Aunt Jo, also known as Josephine Olive Ulmer, was born in Pennsylvania to a family that eventually had 13 children! She was one of the oldest so she must have learned early what it was like to care for babies and children.
Sadly, Aunt Jo had miscarriage after miscarriage, never able to carry a baby to full term or enjoy a living child of her own.
Thus, I became ‘hers’. I know that she became ‘mine’.
As a baby, I don’t remember much, of course, but as a toddler until I reached the age 10, some of my fondest memories are wrapped around our times together.
Aunt Jo and Uncle Eddie lived in a large, two storyhouse with an amazing front porch looking out at their neighborhood which included a nearby stream and a rooster crowing in the morning. That was a welcome sound to begin each new day.
As a toddler and pre-schooler, I fondly remember being allowed to ride my tricycle around and around the large table in the kitchen. I would NEVER be allowed to do that at ‘home’.
I especially loved sitting on my aunt’s lap in the solidly built rocking chair by the kitchen window, being taught how to play solitaire. We talked, sang and enjoyed each other’s company.
Being a long time Baptist, my aunt loved to take me to Vacation Bible School each year. My Uncle Eddie would make the rounds, picking up any children who wanted to attend. Maybe that is where I first learned to love Jesus.
During the summer, when it was time to defrost the refrigerator, I was given a special treat of munching on ice — or was that the frost from the freezer?
I remember, in the hot PA summers, often sleeping on the floor with Aunt Jo each night. Nearby was the big bed but the floor was more fun — for me. I wonder if she, after I was asleep, would climb into her own comfy bed she shared with Uncle Eddie.
Laundry days on Mondays were exciting days!
My Uncle Eddie, in the morning before his work day began, would fill the tubs with water for that old wringer washing machine! Sitting in the middle of the kitchen, it rocked and rolled as it did its work. Keep your hands away from the rollers!
After the clothes were washed and rinsed, they were put into a basket for my aunt to carry out back to the clothesline which stretched from the back porch all along the cement narrow walk through the garden. She must have been so physically strong in order to lug that laundry that far!
There was an entire ‘hedge’ of peonies that we needed to walk through to reach the clothesline. Ah, the aroma!
Next, my aunt would hoist the wet clothing to the clothesline and I would dig around in the clothespin bag for just the right clothespin. I was ‘helping’.
When all of the laundry was hung, it was time to get the long wooden poles to prop the clothesline up so the clothing wouldn’t drag on the ground.
On either side of the clothesline there was the vegetable garden stretched for the entire back yard on either side.
At the far end of the clothesline, was the dog pen. These were not your ordinary house pet kind of dogs but were hunting dogs. My uncle would take them their food but I was warned to stay away.
I never did meet those dogs so the warning was heeded.
Uncle Eddie worked on the railroad. One memorable day he took me to the train yard where he worked and allowed me to climb up into the train’s engine. I can remember riding in his new car to get there. The car was in an old, old garage but the it didn’t mind. It gave off a fragrance that only new cars have.
Every year I made sure that Aunt Jo received a Mother’s Day card. It was easy to find just the right one each year, expressing how much I loved and appreciated her.
I hope I didn’t hurt my Uncle Eddie by NOT declaring him my Second Father. My own Dad was perfect in my eyes and I didn’t need a second one.
When I was 10, we moved across country to California. I hated it! In my weekly letters to Aunt Jo, I complained endlessly, especially about those ugly palm trees. I was used to the lush, green foliage of trees and bushes of Pennsylvania. Even the California flowers were different.
Using their ‘train miles’ due to my uncle working on the railroad, they would journey to visit us in California every few years.
When I married, they weren’t present due to the distance but their gift is still used to this day — silverware.
Sadly, I was told that my Aunt Jo had a stroke and was no longer able to care for herself. Uncle Eddie moved their bedroom into the dining room and cared for her as long as he was able until he died.
Before he died, however, my uncle made sure that I received one final gift from them — their red lamp, always displayed in their parlor.
Aunt Jo was moved to a care facility. What a happy day it was for me to travel from Michigan to Pennsylvania to visit her! She was unable to talk and I don’t know if she recognized or understood me but I left her with a gift — an afghan I made for her, hoping she would use it to wrap herself in my love.
Happy Mother’s Day to Aunt Jo, my second mother!
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Dawn Ulmer, a retired Registered Nurse, has enjoyed writing since the age of 19 when she wrote ‘My Philosophy of Nursing’. After marrying and becoming a mother, she developed a newsletter for young mothers called ‘Moms and Sidekicks’. She has been a columnist for a women’s newspaper in Grand Rapids, Michigan on the subject of time management. From that column, her first book was written and published: “Balance of the Hurried Woman”. Through the years, she has been published in ‘Decision’ magazine, ‘Our Daily Bread’ devotional and other publications. Presently, she is enjoying writing on Medium, her favorite platform.
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