How to Become Fearless
The best way to achieve your dreams is letting go of fear. Fear is the biggest thing that’s holding you back. It’s not money, it’s not time, and it’s not lack of experience.
You should really guide yourself from what Franklin D. Roosevelt said:
“[…] let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is… fear itself”
In this article I’m going to explain what fear is, why it exists, and why it is a bad counselor. Then I’m going to give you 5 specific actions you can perform to overcome it.
The Time I’ve Been Most Afraid in My Life
For some it’s their wedding day, for others it’s their thesis defense, for others it’s the day their first son is born and yet for others it’s the first time they get on a plane. For me, it was neither of this: it was the first time I did bungee jumping; and for an extra 70 New Zealand Dollars, I have that moment on video:
You can see in the video I’m pretty nervous. I remember walking the long walk from the place where you paid to that booth in the middle of the bridge where I had to jump. Then I remember waiting for my turn while others jumped. The reason I remember this so well is because those where some of the longest moments of my life. I was truly, utterly, terrified.
Funny thing, that bungee jump was about as dangerous as every time I ride 160 km (100 miles) in a car, according to this article. I live in Santiago, and Viña del Mar, the most popular beach nearby, is about 90 km (60 miles) from here. Every time I go to Viña del Mar and back, which is something I do approximately five times a year, I’m more likely to die than that one time I jumped. Still, for some reason, when I get in my car before those trips I’m not scared at all, let alone as scared as I was in that video.
In the end, besides being the time I was most afraid, bungee jumping was one of the most entertaining moments of my life. I still remember the sensation of free falling and watching the floor rushing towards me way faster than I could ever imagine. I’m really glad that I let go of my fear and ignored that voice in my head that was yelling at me: “Don’t jump! Don’t jump!”.
How about you? Try to think of the last time you were really afraid of doing something, did it anyway, and ended up loving the experience.
What You’re Missing Out
Like in the bungee story, the world is full of things you should be trying but aren’t solely because of fear. It is fear, more than anything else, what defines what your barriers in life are: what you can and cannot do. The area inside these barriers is what is commonly known as your comfort zone; inside of it you are cozy and warm, outside of it the world is a big scary jungle.
What you must realize is that in that crazy fuzzy place outside your comfort zone is where the really exciting, novel and enlightening experiences lie; it is where you will try new things an ultimately become a successful and fulfilled person. Out there is everything you dream of being but for some reason “haven’t quite gotten to it yet”.
Like Gandalf said in the first movie of the Hobbit trilogy:
“The world is not in your books and maps. It’s out there…”
Take a couple of minutes to see the full conversation where he says that quote (it’s quite inspirational, by the way):
It’s probably fear keeping you form living the life you want: exercising, quitting your boring job, getting that promotion you deserve, traveling to some unknown place or finally stop smoking.
What Fear Is and Why it Exists
If fear is so bad, why does it exist? What’s the deal with fear anyway?
First of all let me be clear in one thing: fear is not always bad, and it’s thanks to fear that your are standing here reading this words in the first place. It’s fear that made your ancestor 10.000 years ago run like hell from the mean looking lion that was running towards him. It was also fear that made your other ancestor in the middle ages play dead during the battle his side was losing and allowed him live and tell the tale. Throughout history, fear has been our wingman telling us that something is wrong and that we should probably (or definitely) make a run for it.
So what happened next? Well, for starters, the world changed at a faster rate than our fear was able to keep up with, so it got a little confused. I don’t think that anything explains this better than this quote from the book The Obstacle is the Way:
Our brains evolved for an environment very different from the one we currently inhabit. As a result, we carry all kinds of biological baggage. Humans are still primed to detect threats and dangers that no longer exist[…]
Let’s go back to the bungee story for a second. Had I been jumping without a sophisticated rope and harness system, both tested several thousands of times before, my fear would have been totally justified. But that just wasn’t the case. Being able to rationally recognize this helped me make the jump; the little sign in the jumping booth stating that no one had died jumping from that particular booth certainly helped with this rationalization.
Learning to detect when fear is helping and when it’s hindering you is a skill that’s going to help you get the most out of your life.
5 Actions Steps Against Fear
So how can you stop fear from holding you back? Read on.
Learn to Recognize (and Like) Fear.
Whenever you say something like: “I really would like to do this but I’m not going to because [insert some lame excuse here]”, realize it’s just your fear inventing that excuse. You should recognize this fact and let that discomfort be your compass, directing your next moves.
The next time you feel afraid of doing something, first, pat yourself in the back, because it means your are considering trying something new. Then say: “Wow, this is scary, so I must definitely try it now”. Bonus points if you actually end up doing it!
Use Your Head
Use your head and get in touch with your more rational side. In a world where we are constantly told to follow our hearts, it is good to also follow reason sometimes. Analyzing the situation will help you decide if the fear you’re feeling is necessary for your survival or, in most cases, completely unjustified.
The next time you are afraid of doing something, breath slowly and try to think of the reason why you’re so scared of it and what is the worst thing that could happen if you go ahead and face it anyway. Many times, you’ll realize that the situation isn’t as bad as your fear is letting you believe it is.
Divide and Conquer
It’s much easier to face a small fear than a big fear, so divide what scares you into smaller things that scare you less. Want to write a book? Try writing a few blog posts first. Want to give a keynote speech to 300 people? Try presenting to a group of 10 familiar people first.
This will not only help you get some momentum, it will also help you overcome your fear out of sheer repetition. Doing something often will put it right in the middle of your comfort zone, where you’ll no longer fear it.
Leverage Fear to Your Favor
Sometimes, you can hack fear and use it your favor, which can be really helpful. If you really want to do something outside your comfort zone, find a way to be more afraid of not doing it than of doing it. Accountability is key here, anything or anyone that can help you feel bad about not doing it will be of great help towards completing it.
One thing you could try is promising someone that you’ll do something you fear. It helps even more if that person somehow benefits from you doing it. That way, the fear of letting that person down will help you keep going. As an example, if you want to become a good cook but you are afraid of what people will think of your cooking, invite a friend over for dinner. This will force to cook something as best as you possibly can.
Time-boxing can also be a good idea: set an amount of time for you to complete something (it can be a day, a week or a month, depending on the task), and try to do it within that allotted time. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t able to do it in the end, the mere fact that there is a deadline will put pressure on you and will constitute a powerful motivator.
Just Do It
Stop everything you’re doing and just do that thing that scares you. Is there a girl you’ve been meaning to ask out but haven’t mustered the courage to do it? Don’t think to much about it and just do it.
The key here is to make the decision before fear kicks in. Set a plan to follow, and then just follow it. Sticking to the plan during its execution will help you stay focused and ignore fear when it appears.
If you want to do something right now, but you are too afraid to start, my advice would be to stop whatever you’re doing and say: “I’m not going to do anything else until I get this thing done”. That usually does the trick for me.
Final Words
Few people realize that most of their obstacles in life come from limitations they set themselves, fear being the biggest of them all. Once you understand this, the possibilities of what you can do are almost infinite.
You must always be conscious about your emotions, specially when it comes to fear. Understanding that the irrational, paralyzing feeling you’re having probably wasn’t meant for our modern lives, will help you thrive in them. In general, it’s good to question your instincts and impulses once in a while, lest you become a slave to them.
After you stop reading this, try doing something this week that will help you expand your comfort zone. You can afterwards leave me a comment about how you felt before and after doing it. Happy fear facing!
