The Two Kinds Of Happiness
Have you ever wondered why is that the things that are good for us are always the boring ones, and the things that are bad are always so much fun?
I believe that the answer to this paradox comes from a pretty simple truth that we hardly realize:
There’s actually two types of happiness, a short-term happiness and a long-term one.
And although we usually think of the short-term kind when we think of happiness, they both contribute towards our overall well-being.
I’ll begin by defining both kinds, in case you’re wondering what they are and how they’re different.
Short-term happiness is that elation you feel when you’re joking with your friends, or eat a delicious desert, or stay in bed for 5 more minutes in the morning. It’s what results when you stop thinking about the consequences and just go for it.
Long-term happiness is that feeling of accomplishment you get when you receive your diploma at a graduation ceremony, or your son says his first words, or when you master a skill you once thought difficult. Do you remember the joy you felt when you first learned to ride a bike? Pure long-term happiness.
They’re both awesome feelings, but they’re attained by completely different — and sometimes opposite — paths. One requires no effort, the other takes a lot of sacrifice.
I believe that the key to a meaningful existence comes from balancing both types of happiness. That’s right, the two of them deserve some of your time and attention. In this article I’ll explain why I think they’re both important, and how you can find space for both them in your daily life.
The Day My Dream Came True
When I was younger I used to think that I had happiness all figured out: if not working makes me happy and working makes me unhappy, all I have to do is figure out a way to make money without working. If I did, I would always be happy. Pretty simple, huh?
The funny thing is that one day my wish came true: I found a job that paid pretty well but demanded almost nothing from me. I could do no work-related tasks at all and still maintain the job. So I did anything I wanted. Most of my days where spent checking Facebook, chatting with friends via WhatsApp, and reading online comics. Basically, I procrastinated all day long.
And you know what happened? I was completely miserable. My life had no purpose at all.
The thing is, even though I had no obligations at work, I still had ambitions: books I wanted to read, skills I wanted to develop, areas of my life I wanted to improve. I just couldn’t get myself to work on them, since I was so used at satisfying my immediate desires. I remember feeling a huge amount of frustration during that period of my life.
In the end I quit that job and — to everyone’s astonishment — took another job that paid much less and required a lot more work . But it was also a job that I was much more passionate about.
Three years after making that decision, I still believe it’s one of the best I’ve ever made. Even though I now make a lot less things that give me instant gratification, I’m extremely happier than I was back then.
The Dangers of Short-Term Happiness
What I learned from my experience is that focusing exclusively on short-term happiness is a mistake.
The tricky thing about short-term happiness is that it’s a lot easier to satisfy simply because it requires less work. It’s also the first one that comes to mind when we think about fun, so it usually gets most of our attention. This is why the mass media is so obsessed with it, it’s easier to sell quick wins than long-term satisfaction attained through hard work.
But have you ever wondered why even successful people like Philip Seymour Hoffman, Heath Ledger or Amy Winehouse were so unhappy that they ended up overdosing? Or why people that focus entirely on short-term happiness are so miserable? Think of gamblers, smokers, alcoholics or people addicted to junk food.
I believe it’s because they keep feeding the wrong type of happiness. That is to say, they keep searching to satisfy their need for long-term happiness in places where they’ll only find the short-term kind. And although tricking yourself with short-term happiness may work for a while, it doesn’t work forever. If you lack a long-term purpose in your life, after the thrill is past you’re left with an even bigger feeling of worthlessness.
So if currently you’re a little unhappy, although you have “everything to be happy”, it’s probably because you’re not satisfying your long-term happiness. Or, worst yet, maybe you’re not satisfying either type of happiness.
It’s All About The Balance
I just want to point out that I don’t believe that short-term happiness is bad. On the contrary, I think it’s totally awesome.
Why would you do anything in this life if not to increase your own happiness? And that includes short-term happiness as well. (Note: when I say “increasing your own happiness” I don’t necessarily mean being selfish, since helping others can also make you happy).
What I’m saying is that focusing solely on short-term happiness is a bad idea. Instead, you should attempt to balance both types, a very arduous task that nonetheless can lead to incredible satisfaction.
If you focus exclusively on the quick wins, on the things that give you instant gratification, you’ll never achieve a higher purpose in life — and probably will end up miserable like I used to be.
On the other hand, if you focus exclusively on your long-term goals, your day-to-day life will become so monotonous you’ll probably won’t last like that very long. You might even fall back into some nasty habit just to get a quick glimpse of short-term happiness.
And in order to balance both types it’s essential to understand that the long-term sort of happiness is impossible to achieve quickly. It requires sacrifice, it requires patience and it requires hard work. It’s simply how life works.
Balancing Both Types
I believe that the best approach to balance both types comes from first understanding the things that make you happy, and then by having a plan to pursue those things which doesn’t overlook either kind of happiness.
Let me explain this approach in 3 steps.
Focus on what Matters
The sad truth is that sometimes both types of happiness will contradict each other. It’s just the way it goes. Eating something healthy will make you happy in the long term, when you start feeling (and looking) better, but eating something unhealthy that’s also delicious will make you happy in the short term.
So balancing both types of happiness sometimes means sacrifice, because you might have to favor one type over the other. And in order to do so, you have to first understand consciously what’s most important to you and what you’re willing to sacrifice.
To me, what matters the most has to do with: having great experiences, developing meaningful relationships, being healthy, doing things that motivate me and felling good overall. Maybe your priorities are different, that’s OK, but you should still have them clearly defined.
If you’re not sure about what your priorities are, check out the book Minimalism: Live a Meaningful Life. It did a great job helping me define what’s important and what’s not.
Do what Motivates You
I’m going to focus on the “doing things that motivate me” part of what I find important because I think that it’s a great source of long-term happiness, but also a very confusing aspect of our lives.
The thing is, long-term happiness can’t be faked, it arises from doing things you truly enjoy. But the common problem with this is that we don’t always know what that is. And it does make sense to feel this way: how can you know if want to be a doctor, an architect or even a rock star if you have never experienced a day in their lives?
So I like to think that instead of following our passions, we should discover them. What you really love doing is something you’ll just have to find out throughout your entire life. It’s a never ending process.
And I believe the best way of doing so is through experimentation:
Try doing a little of something you think you’ll enjoy, and if you do enjoy it, keep getting better at it.
Also, try talking to people currently doing what you think is your passion. Let them tell you their experiences and the problems they face every day. This is an easy way to see if that lifestyle really suits you (and is also a great way to ask for advice on how to follow that particular path).
And if at some point along the way you discover that what you originally thought was your passion isn’t that great, simply try something else.
If you still aren’t sure and need more pointers, I believe that, for most people, motivation usually stems either from craftsmanship (getting good at something just for the sake of it) or from the need to make an impact in this world. This video explains these concepts in more detail:
Have a Plan
Once you have a rough idea of what is important to you and what your goals are, you should make a plan that helps you focus on achieving them.
Long-term happiness takes a while, since the satisfaction resulting from developing a skill and then being recognized by it is usually a slow process. And you’ll hate every minute of it if you don’t loosen up sometimes. So go ahead and give yourself some time for fun every once in a while.
I’ve been able to achieve this balance by setting times of the day for work and times of the day for fun. I defined a routine that considers both types of happiness, and now I just follow it.
The best advantage of setting aside time for both kinds of happiness is that it allows you to use one kind to motivate the other.
Whenever doing something I’m passionate about gets too tiresome — and it always does after a while— I know that if I keep doing it for a little longer I will soon be able to relax.
And whenever I’m relaxing too much (therefore not doing anything productive and feeling guilty about it) I remind myself that if I stick to the plan, soon enough I’ll be working towards my long-term goals.
Once you’re able to balance both types of happiness, life becomes both meaningful and enjoyable.
