Do you feel like you fit in? Why or why not?

Whether you fit in or not, thinking that you need to can be detrimental to your self expression unless you’re thinking about it in the right way. Consider the words: fitting in. It means that you’re literally trying to put yourself within the boundaries of a container that may not have been meant for you. And if you’re trying to fit, there’s clearly something that might be lost.

However, what’s at the heart of wanting to fit in is actually wanting to belong. And we all want that sense of belonging. It’s important in order to feel like we’re a part of something. And it’s important to feel like we’re a part of a family, or a community, or a group of humans that cares about us and cares about our own well-being.

According to researcher and social scientist Brene Brown, “the greatest barrier to belonging is fitting in.” She goes on to explain that when we fit in as opposed to belong, we become part of the situation rather than standing for our authentic self. We become part of the mold rather than becoming more of who we truly are. She also says that both men and women who have the deepest sense of true belonging are the ones who have the courage to stand alone and stand up for what they believe in.

If you’ve ever felt like you haven’t fit in, or maybe if you feel like that now, then you know it can be isolating. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. If you’re willing to acknowledge the desire for belonging and do something about it, you’ll find that those feelings will shift about as quickly as they came on. The key is to find people you energetically align with, and to find the causes that you’re passionate about.

A great small way to work on your belonging, rather than trying to fit in, is to go beyond yourself and help others feel like they belong. If you see someone who is new to the school, to the group, to the team, to the job, why not create some extra effort to help them feel welcomed?

You’ll find that helping others feel welcomed will have a return effect of making you feel welcomed also. So this week, look and see what you’re a part of. Look around. Look beyond yourself and see if there’s one person that you can help feel like they belong. Be their friend, be welcominging, and open yourself up to the true connection that is way more valuable than fitting in. They’ll benefit and so will you.