When you feel like you can’t write
You sit down by your computer, or phone, or journal to write. You’ve made yourself a cup of tea, and you are all snuggled up with your blanket.
It is time for you to reflect.
Something is bothering you, and you desperately need to get words down.
But nothing comes.
You scooch around, adjust yourself, try to get more in the zone. But the minutes keep ticking by, 5, 10, 30 minutes — still nothing.
Eventually, you give up.
So you curse the whole concept of journaling and open up an episode of ‘Friends’ instead.
What a bummer.
Reasons why the words are not coming
If I got to know you, I could probably give you some tailored tips as to why you might be stuck. But I don’t see how we could make that work, so let us instead explore some leading reasons for feeling stuck in journaling.
Lack of experience. If you’re not used to writing, this in itself might cause a rut. In that case, I would just freaking get on with it!
I’m just kidding.
I would try to create a little routine around journaling.
For example, you could set aside 3 minutes every evening to write down a few lines. Since writing might not be for everyone, I recommend you do some exploration of your own to find out if you are one of these people.
Protective silence. Some people stop writing when something stressful happens in their lives. We’ll call it protective silence.
Protective silence is an instinct of avoiding or holding back the emotional experience of something painful. Basically, you’re not allowing yourself to feel or think about something stressful that has happened — or is happening.
It’s not necessarily a conscious choice. You might even know that you should write about it because it could help you move past the situation. But you’re stuck anyways.
But for some reason, your body and mind are trying to protect you for the moment. Perhaps because you are feeling too overwhelmed and you need to remain focused on other tasks.
But it is not healthy for you in the long run. Protective silence is really only protective in the short-term.
Eventually, words need to come.
Secrets. Having a secret can compel people to start keeping a journal. This might be because it gives them an outlet that they haven’t been able to find in other people, or perhaps they are ashamed of their secret, and writing it down feels safer.
But having a secret can also make people stop writing.
This is out of fear that others can read and intrude on their most intimate world. In such a case, it is crucial to make sure that your journal is secure by keeping it in a space that only you access.
Some ideas to try when you’re stuck
Understanding why you are stuck is vital. But it may not be enough to get the words flowing. That’s why I want to give you some ideas to try when you feel like you can’t write like you used to.
Write a list of the things you can’t write about. This one may seem weird, but hang in there with me.
If you find yourself stuck because of something painful happening in your life and don’t know how to write about it, or are having difficulty talking to others about it…
Well, you could write a list.
There’s no need to go into depth. You could simply start a page or a moment titled: Things I am having trouble talking or writing about. Or something similar. And then just note down items.
Some examples: ‘an overwhelming feeling of stress,’ ‘the fight with dad,’ or ‘the party on the 24th.’
See how that feels. And if nothing else, then at least you know which subjects to return to later when reflection is more possible.
Get creative. Some people have had success trying different forms of expression when stuck. They have written poetry instead or created collages and drawings. They’ve written a song or tried reflecting on a single word such as ‘sorrow’ or ‘ambition.’ They’ve tried out letter-forms of journaling.
There are no apparent limits to creative reflection — maybe that could work for you too?
Imagine a supportive reader. I find this approach especially fascinating. The technique is about imagining a reader — but not just any reader. It should be someone warm, empathic, and non-judgmental that you trust, such as a teacher, parent, mentor, friend.
But it doesn’t have to be any of those.
The imagined reader could be precisely that — imagined. The reader does not have to be real. You can write to God, or the Universe, or Reflectly.
See how it feels to imagine that your words are being embraced by a trusted, non-judgmental presence. Maybe it will open the tap for you.
Try a guided reflection. We all need guidance from time to time. A guided reflection might help you look at some perspectives you hadn’t seen before and nudge you along self-reflection.
There are many different guided reflections online that you can try out, journals you can buy, or apps you can download.
You are sure to find something out there for you.
Or become inspired to be and to listen
When I was researching as part of creating this article, I came across a chapter called Honoring Silence in a book for therapists called Expressive Writing. And there is this beautiful paragraph about being okay with silence.
I thought I would share it with you guys as an ending note:
“During the break something else can happen, perhaps just being involved in doing things, of living in the world. Silence may provide an essential breathing space... Perhaps this break is what makes it possible for the next phase of understanding to occur. Silence is an invitation to listen, either to ourselves or the world around us.” (Jeannie Wright and Kate Thompson, practicing therapists and eager journal writers)
I think these lines are a wondrous reminder not to stress too much about being stuck.
That there might even be growth and opportunity in letting the silence remain for a while, that it is a chance to listen and to be.
So the next time you feel stuck in your writing, try just allowing it for a while. Don’t fire up that episode of ‘Friends.’
Sit in it.
It might be part of your process towards growth.
