Sassy Bitch
It’s been a while since I’ve written, and some of you have even noticed! And not in a “Thank goodness you stopped” kind of way. So, thanks for the ego boost everyone.
I’ve been very aware of the fact that I haven’t written lately. I’ve sat down to write several times and simply haven’t found anything to say.
I haven’t been following my Shabbat rules lately. I’m somewhat disappointed in myself but also somewhat aware that I’ve been distracted and have at least tried to maintain some of the core principles in my failure.
For the past two months, my Shabbat alarm has gone off on Friday nights and I haven’t immediately turned off the notifications to apps and put my phone on the other side of the room, which is what I’m supposed to do. It does make me feel guilty each time, but my mind hasn’t really been in the right place. (I’m aware — if my mind hasn’t been in the right place recently, that’s all the more reason to stick to something purposeful like observing Shabbat. But, just because I’m aware of the logical response, doesn’t mean I act accordingly.)
A month or so ago though, I did rearrange the apps on my phone to encourage a less app-centric existence. I have a few important living/work-related apps on the main screen of my phone, and then all of the other junk apps are sorted into a few folders on the second screen. The intention being, when I open my phone it should really only be for those things I need: (1) Communication with friends and family; (2) Remaining ‘on-line’ for work; and (3) Writing down my thoughts and ideas and things I don’t want to forget if I don’t have my notebook handy.
I have to go an entirely separate screen on my phone if I want to deal with junk things. All of the apps I’m trying to minimize in my life are sorted into four folders: Read; Check; Use; Ignore. The “Read” folder has Kindle/Audible/Podcasts. Not all ‘reading’ per se, but within the genre of absorbing others’ writing and thoughts. The “Check” folder is all my social apps, from Facebook to Instagram to Google Hangouts. In theory, this is the folder I should ignore on Shabbat. The “Use” folder is actually useful life apps, like Google Maps and Uber and Venmo. Not things I use for fun, like Instagram, but not things I need front and center on a daily basis. And finally, the “Ignore” folder is all of those stupid Apple apps that I can’t delete but never use.
So, I’m trying to bring more intention to how I use my phone in general. But, I do still find myself checking Instagram and Snapchat on Shabbat. It’s probably about time to double down on that and recommit myself to the effort…
……
And now, I’m sure you’ve been wondering about the title of my post. Sassy Bitch is, in fact, my “excuse” for not following Shabbat rules recently. (I will admit, it’s an excuse in a very “stop making excuses, Victoria” kind of way).
However, it’s still somewhat of an explanation. My following of Shabbat rules pretty abruptly ceased when Toby came into my life. Yup, you heard me, I’m blaming it on the dog. (Sometimes dogs DO eat your homework, okay??)
When Toby came into my life, she was the cutest damn thing you’ve ever seen and it was very important to me at the time to share as many photos and videos as humanly possible of her with the world. I’m a total dog mom. Worse than I ever realized I would be. Though when I admitted my surprisingly-excessive-dog-mom-tendencies to a good high school friend, she immediately said, “Honey, I think you’re the only one surprised by that.”
The good news is: I HAVE A DOG.
She is the most amazing dog ever. She’s also epically annoying sometimes. She’s 80% house-trained and 10% “please stop barking at mommy while she tries to eat” trained. She’s really smart though; she learned “Down” and “Paw” quite quickly. So she’s entirely capable of following all the rules, but I can see why she simply doesn’t want to.
Toby is a total princess. She likes to be in charge, she prefers to have all of my attention, she sits up very properly when observing something new or scary, and she walks particularly regally when she has found a stick she is proud of. She loves it when the dog walker holds her like a baby and with the loving admiration that she has ‘earned’. She is absolutely a princess.
She is also a sassy bitch. I do mean that in an endearing way, because I think that’s how some people would describe me as well.
When I adopted Toby, they told me she liked to be the boss and that she was a bit sassy. And my immediate response was, “Hey! Just like me! We’ll get along great.” The fosters were absolutely correct; she does like to be the boss and she’s definitely sassy.
(By the way, I’m aware she’s a dog and some of you will think that I’m ascribing too much personality and intention to a dog. I promise you, I’m not exaggerating. Just ask the dog walker, Toby knows what she’s doing.)
So, my princess, my sassy bitch, my love, my Toby Rose. Once she came into my life, I wanted to photograph and record everything she did, which required having my phone on me and in use throughout Shabbat.
Even though the frequency of photos and videos I take has decreased, Toby still takes up a LOT of time and attention. BTR (Before Toby Rose) I could actually take hours at a time to read and cook and even just nap and relax and do some thinking. ATR (After Toby Rose) I don’t really get any time to myself. Even when she’s napping or playing by herself, I’m still keeping an eye on her and trying to stay quiet so I don’t disrupt her. It does make it harder to read or to write or to relax like I would prefer to on Shabbat.
I do still try to actually “do” something nice on Shabbat and I try to avoid work. Usually that’s because Toby needs entertaining and it can sometimes be hard to work with her around anyway. These days, that means we often go to the dog park on Saturdays so she can run around and play with other dogs and hopefully wear herself out a bit. That part is still in the spirit of Shabbat, but I admit I do usually have my phone with me.
……
So, what now? I should probably get myself back on the wagon when it comes to putting my phone away on Shabbat. As Toby gets older, it does get easier to do things like read or write, even if it’s not as easy to find time as it was BTR and even if she still needs bathroom breaks quite often.
While I’m working on that, I hope you all have a great Labor Day Weekend! Toby and I will be hanging out here in DC. Probably playing with lots of dogs and going for walks. Maybe we’ll go for a hike. Maybe I’ll try to do some writing for my book. Maybe we’ll work on a new doggie command. But if you try to get in touch with me during Shabbat, chastise me if I respond.
