Relativity of Rules
I used to believe that resourcefulness can get you really far. I have seen it been done, it is also how I operate at work and life. That is — you have a goal in mind, but sometimes how you can achieve it goes against how it is normally done a little bit. At times like this, you can always push the rules a little bit and get away with it, often that’s all you need and it makes your and others’ lives much easier and it hurts no one. Sometimes you can push a little further, and even further. It’s true, I have experimented with this. I used to put one Adele song on repeat when people sit in my car and see how long it takes before they say something, it’s a long time. And when people do say something, you smile, explain to them nicely what you are trying to do and what is in the way, some of them will understand and even come to your side and help. Be a genuine rascal, that is how you can get most things you want in life without being an annoying person. It still holds true today, but recently I have found some conditioning in this logic.
How I run the coding group is built on this logic too. I have a WeWork membership from work, meaning I can book a desk at any WeWork office and go in and work from there. So I take advantage of it and book a desk on the weekend when no one is around for our weekly meeting. So basically there is no costs for running the group. No money involved means less stress and I can put my energy into other more enjoyable things. I like it this way. And Arya used to come in with me five days a week and do some learning when I work. Yes on the book somewhere it says I have to register the guests if I bring people in, and book a meeting room which costs credit which needs to be paid for. But who cares about the bureaucratic process, and why do I have to book and pay for a meeting room when I just want someone sits next to me at my desk in a half empty office. My principle is to assume that I don’t need permission to do something until I need permission to do it.
One month passed peacefully and one day the office manager stopped Arya and told him he can’t be here unless he pays for it in a not very respectful way. So I went to talk to the office manager and told her it was me who brought Arya in and apologised for not complying with the right process. I explained the situation and reassured her we are respectful of the space and rules, we are not causing any trouble in the office, and if she could keep one eye closed and let us be here, there could be one less person destroyed by the awful system and one more software engineer in the world. I pleaded for her help. Eventually she agreed that Arya can continue to come to the office with me on a lot of trivial conditions, eg. I have fill a form every time he is here, this is only temporary and we will come back and review it in a few months, etc. I agreed to to all of them. I thought to deal with those snobby people, if I go in low, it would work. But I was naive, they want more. After we came to an agreement, she started talking about I don’t have my shoes on walking around in the office and people had complained about it. At that moment in my head I already rolled my eyes and walked away, for a long time I try to stay away from people who wants to tell me what (not) to do especially what (not) to look like, and for most cases they just don’t have the things that I care enough that they can have a hold of me. But I said yes I will keep my shoes on in the office, she wanted to confirm that she has power over me, I showed her my obedience. For the next few days I watched my steps like a school kid in detention. Then on the Friday afternoon I was alone in the office, no one had scorned me for a while so I was feeling relaxed, I lied down on the couch with my feet up while working on my laptop. All of the sudden the office manager stomped in and told me not to put my shoes on the couch. I swallowed the words “but you told me to keep my shoes on…I was being respectful before” and sat up. Then she walked away and left me confused and paranoid. I behaved for so many days and how does she know the moment I lie down???
Reflecting on the incident, I think there are a few dimensions here. The first is racism, I don’t have solid evidence, it’s rather just a feeling. I feel if we were two white men, things would have gone differently. I am not saying this particular office manager is a racist, she might be but it’s not so important, but the system where WeWork exists is deep down racist. Two white men walk into the office everyday, they would have fitted right in, instead of standing out like us. Thinking back about my experience, I have gotten away with more things when I’m with white people than when I’m with non-white people. I developed my own strategy observing and learning from them, and being a professional has shadowed my Chinese-ness a little bit and usually I’m getting around fine. But this time, I’m just on the wrong side.
It is also about where you are on the social ladder as I just mentioned. It was almost the same thing a few years back, when I first joined my work when it was a newly founded and poor, we rented two desks at an office and six of us go into work. When a startup founder does this, it is called resourcefulness, it is a good story to share at a cocktail party when you have made it. While a refugee does it, it is freeloading. Again he is white, everything is intersected.
Then another dimension is the implicit rules and the explicit rules. Explicit rules are those rules written down in the pages of terms and conditions, like you cannot bring guests in unless you pay to book a meeting room. Being explicit does not mean it cannot be broken. I only framed some moral judgement on the office manager and she agreed to bend it. Implicit rules are social norms, for example, you should look decent in a fancy office. Again the fact they are not written somewhere does not mean they are flexible. They are the impossible ones to break. If you look relaxed in a prestige office, how does it make other people look like who pretend to be doing serious business? You don’t have to look serious all the time, you can pretend to relax and have fun, but never for real, remember. If you can show your loyalty and fit in, the world is for you to take advantage of. The art of balancing between implicit and explicit rules goes on for life. I thought I had it figured out when I walked away again and again, but they are everywhere and sometimes I just have to give in.
That’s the relativity of rules.
