EKPHRASTIC EXPRESSION

Granny Wanted by Cybercriminals and Detective Spade

Grandma Connie stalked by hackers and police

Patricia Jeanne
The RvR
Published in
4 min readNov 27, 2023

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Photo of eccentric grandmother with bright jewelry either dabbing or holding her arm out to stop someone. The dark silhouette of a man points a gun in her direction.
Just a dab oughta do ya’. Canva. Source: Author

Coming soon to a theater near you.

The man in black came out of nowhere.

“Put your hands up and hand over all your data!”

“If I put my hands up I’ll have to drop the cane. Then I’ll fall and break my hip. Shame on you for threatening an old woman.”

The gunman wasn’t expecting to be scolded.

“Give me your phone!”

“Sure Cagney, hold out your hand.” Connie’s sarcasm reeked.

A fleeting image of Brother Cabbage reading a Woman Dies of Flippant Remark headline made her wince.

He’d never get over his smugness, she thought.

Police sirens pierced the confusion and the robber ran.

Old movie poster of Humphrey Bogart playing a detective. Eccentric granny purses her lips at him.
Bogart knew this was no ordinary dame. Wikimedia Commons permisssion. Source: Author

Detective Sam Spade noticed she tripped on her name.

“It’s Connie Conti — Connie. Just Connie. What’s yours?”

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Patricia Jeanne
The RvR

I write satire, tech-related, and personal essays. Interests include cybersecurity, tech use & Neuroscience. Lizzie Lizard Brain is my darker, funnier side.