Impostor

I remember walking into my professor’s office and breaking down. Do I deserve to be here? Have I really worked hard enough to make it? I felt like a fraud. Here I was at a private university in my graduate program and yet, I didn’t feel “good enough.” I hadn’t made it as some might say. He told me I did belong and that no, I wasn’t meeting a “diversity quota” but of course he would say that. I still wonder if it’s true.

Grad school wouldn’t have been the same without them.

So here I am, a first-generation Latina — with Guatemalan and Mexican roots from the west side of Chicago in my 4th year as a professional and still sometimes feeling like an impostor. It’s a part of me. Something that I don’t believe will ever go away but that evolves. As I meet with medical students, the stories sound way too familiar. Am I smart enough? Good enough? YES, YES YOU ARE! I share with them the same thing my professor shared with me that day “are you familiar with impostor syndrome?” Most of them are not. Most of them feel relieved that they’re not alone in this belief.

I can’t say for certain that there’s not diversity quotas to meet but what I can say is that once you’re in what you do with it is on you. I didn’t let the doubt define my experience because I ended up getting that degree. I knew all long that for me, this degree signified much more. This was about my family, my upbringings, and what positive change I can bring to those that are around me. Recently, I was having a conversation on the Spanish language and how it was my first language but I struggled with rolling my r’s at first and how there are hundreds of Latinos that don’t speak Spanish — not their fault they weren’t taught but too often we hear “you’re not a real Latin@” (disclaimer: I’ve been guilty too). As I continue on to think of my journey and where I’m heading, let me say that a language does not define whether someone is not “Latin@ enough.” We continue with these types of ideas and then wonder why we question our ability to succeed. Why we don’t believe we belong.

Couldn’t find a picture with all of my family. This degree has always been about much more.

As I think of ways to empower my students to know that they belong and that they journey is valuable, I hope this piece brings light to an issue that many of us continue to face beyond school but in our professional and personal life.

If you question whether you deserve it, most likely you do!

Worked hard for it? You’re not an impostor.

Hasta pronto!