Act as if you already have it

I give up the fight on feminism and working for women to reach a higher place.

Hereafter, I’ll behave as if I’m already there.

And I urge all my sisters to do the same.

You are where you want to be. There is no gap in real life. It exists only in your mind.

I spoke to a few of my sisters.

RISK

Sara is clear about her financial goals. A bigger house before the age of 45, money for sending her only daughter to a professional course and a comfortable retirement fund. She earns a decent amount, though slightly less than what her husband earns. She lets her husband take all financial decisions.

“Do you lack the knowledge to invest?”

“Not really. I read up a lot on the subject, and participate in social media group discussions.”

“Then, what stops you from taking your financial decisions?”

“There is a risk involved in every decision. I’d rather let my husband do the work. I look forward to a joint future with him.”

“That’s nice. But for some reason if you have to live on your own, are you financially independent to do that?”

She remains silent.

RIDICULE

Sapna looks dishevelled when I meet her again.

“You know what …. I told my family I’ve taken up a job and will start working next week. The result was a tornado. My husband and parents-in-law all blamed me for getting too big for my boots, and over-estimating myself.

My sister-in-law who is a Chartered Accountant, reiterated her right to work with her qualifications and said others need to manage household responsibilities.

Is it demeaning to work as a teaching assistant, if I like doing it and it gives me some extra money for myself?”

By all means, No. Everybody has a right to lead a life they choose, instead of having expectations imposed on them. And Sapna is not the first woman in the world to take up a job.

PEACE

Michelle works for a software firm, freelances as a book editor and has inherited a good corpus from her parents.

Her husband manages all investments, and makes significant monetary contributions to his family. Michelle would like to build a nest egg of her own, before they start a family. But taking control of her money is likely to create a rift in relationships.

So she does what many others of her ilk do — buys peace by letting her husband wield financial controls.

All of these women have the same reasons for giving up financial independence — reluctance to rock the boat and a fear of the unknown.

Anahita on the other hand has a different strategy. She joined a women’s travel group. They travel alone without families. The members come from different age groups and financial backgrounds. There are many who have been there and done it all.

Spending time with them leads to long discussions, sharing experience, guidance and inspiration. Anahita finds it easier to do whatever she wants to do, after hanging out with this group.

Gradually, the children start trusting her opinion more in their decisions. She is pleasantly surprised when her husband takes pride in introducing her to his friend circle, saying she is the one who manages it all.

It’s not difficult.

It’s just about acting as if you’ve already been there.

If you find people around you not giving due respect, restate the obvious — that boundary lines need to be respected, and you have the last word on matters concerning your life.

Your perception is your reality.

Have you cared to observe people while waiting in the lobby of a luxury hotel?

1. There are some who behave like these establishments are built to serve them.
2. Some adopt a cool demeanor and glide through the shiny corridors.
3. And then, there are some who look distinctly uncomfortable, and ask for directions at every step. Somehow, onlookers know they are not ‘born to the manor’, and politely scorn them.

Which role will you choose for yourself?

Start with the second and the pathways will lead to the first.

Start on the third, and you will meet people willing to push you down further.

Sara and Michelle can just start taking their decisions and executing financial plans without displaying trepidation.

Sapna can just dress and leave for work, after informing the family of changes. The structure will shift to adjust with new reality.

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Originally published at http://sacredcircleforwomen.wordpress.com on April 30, 2022.