Shun the Stereotypes
Do you think you are not beautiful, happy or successful, only when you compare yourself with others?
Do you get perturbed by disapproval that comes your way?
You are guilty of typecasting yourself.
Others are doing it all the time. They compare you with role models (these may be concepts, not necessarily real men or women) only to make you feel inadequate.
Some of us have learnt to fight the onslaught of unsolicited opinions and judgmental remarks.
But do we spare ourselves?
GOOD AND BAD WOMEN
It starts with fairy tale characters. Would they be loved as winners, if they were not victims of a stepmother or a sorceress?
· The bad women dress differently, are manipulative and ambitious about money and power.
· Good women sacrifice all they have for love or certain principles.
You need to fit into this mold or that. I’m sure there are more than fifty shades of grey or neutral tones in personalities, which are never acknowledged. We are cruelly stretched to this end or that, to fit into a recognizable mold.
The world needs a backdrop to talk, think or write about you. They need an anchor to pass judgment, eulogize or criticize.
They feel lost without these rudders.
You can see discomfort and confusion painted on faces when they say,
“Oh, you don’t like or do this …. then what…..?”
ARE YOU GUILTY OF THE SAME CRIME?
· How often do you catch yourself bashing yourself or another woman for similar reasons?
· Do we give ourselves and others the space to be real, to be ourselves — not good or bad?
I love this Ted Talk by Mina Shah.
She talks about the lies that we live with.
What happens when women stop believing the lies | Mina Shah | TEDxBocaRaton — YouTube
FAMILIAL LIE
Someone else’s fear becomes your own
INTIMATE LIE
Your life situation defines you.
THE BEAUTY MYTH
Naomi Wolf exposes the conspiracy to keep women submissive in her celebrated book “The Beauty Myth.” The book is an eye-opener.
She quotes Germaine Greer’s definition of The Stereo Type
“To her belongs all that is beautiful, even the very word beauty itself…. She is a doll. I’m sick of the masquerade.”
Sicker than that is the tendency to ridicule and criticize women who refuse to fit in.
And ultra-sick is the woman who accepts blame, believes that she is not good enough and does nothing to normalize her natural behavior.
WHAT IS NORMALIZATION?
Normalization is a process of the same behavior being replicated by thousands and millions of women across the globe, so much so that it becomes normal or natural.
The process of using their comparison tools to overturn their theories on them is normalization.
1. I remember a teenager walking the aisles of the supermarket with her mother, hunting for hair color. The mother opined teen years are too early to start coloring hair. To this, the girl turned around and said,
“Look at the people around and show me one who has not colored her hair.”
The mother was compelled to give in.
The women around were not all teenagers. But there was a wide cross-section of women in society who made a choice. And their choice made it easier for the young girl to get what she wanted.
Blue and green are far more acceptable shades of hair today, than red and brown were for her at that time.
2. A Style Icon of the Year chosen by a fashion magazine was a famous model with unusual looks and dress sense. The judges said,
“When she walks into the room, you know it’s Madhu.”
That was her strength, not her height or skin color or fashion sense.
3. A single woman more than thirty years old was a rarity and frowned upon.
“Aren’t you getting married?”
Now there are so many of them — single, independent, successful and happy. The critical voices have toned down, and appreciative ones have joined in. They are envied for the lifestyles they flaunt, not pitied.
And this is the crux of the matter.
Just keep doing what you do, till people stop expecting anything else from you.
