Holding Tensions
When we think of tensions, we tend to think of animosity between people in relationships, elephants in the room, or some form of muscle ache. And while those are true, that is not the type of tension I wanted to write about! Have you ever found yourself reading about some semblance of theory and desperately (and frustratingly) wanting to apply it but not knowing how to get started? We all go through it; I certainly did when I first started learning Organization Development! And every time I tried practicing a thing or two (maybe even questioning the theory), I just wound up frustrated. THIS is the tension that I am talking about.
I was listening to Brené Brown’s podcast, Unlocking Us, where she interviews President Barack Obama, and they started talking about ‘holding the tension of seemingly opposite truths,’ and, honestly, that podcast was so inspiring that it led me to write this piece (also, it was such a validating podcast and made me feel so seen). I learned this as the concept of Polarity Management by Barry Johnson, and let me just say, it is so helpful! I use this concept in just about everything that I do because it helps me gain clarity, so that I am able to consciously make a decision about where in a specific polarity I want to stand. More importantly, it’s through holding this tension where emergent ideas, the most fascinating and most creative ones at that, come to the fore and become instrumental towards transformational change.
I am incredibly fortunate to maintain my job and start new coaching and consulting gigs on the side in spite of the pandemic. And while I was able to do so, I realized a huge polarity that I was faced with: work-home balance. I have long known that “work/life balance” was a construct that eventually expanded to ‘presumptively increase satisfaction from work and life’. Quite frankly, I don’t believe in that because I understand it as my personal life and my professional life needing to be separate from each other, when in reality, there is only one me living one life. All of this led to my two big takeaways: (a) it’s work and play, not work vs play, and (b) the importance of leaning into my intuition and using this as a mode of listening to help me figure out what is, what isn’t and what’s next.
As I write this blog post on Martin Luther King Jr Day, I am reminded of how well acquainted the great MLK Jr was with tensions. He describes it as a “constructive, nonviolent tension which is necessary for growth” (Letter from a Birmingham Jail), and I couldn’t agree more. Even though we yearn for a world that matches up with our own respective ideals, we often have many differences that make it hard to find a ‘happy medium’. Due to this, tension plays a key role in our continued progress as we try to find things that can work by listening — and listening deeply to each other.
When we listen deeply, i.e., listening using our whole body and whole being, and approach polarities with a “both/and” mentality, we learn how to better hold the tension between two seemingly opposite and highly interconnected truths. When faced with a polarity, it is important to see the polarity that is pulling us, teams and/or organizations apart, to map it out and to have a generative conversation about it. And when we “hold the tension” well, we end up faring much better than this poor (and funny) girl!
