Much Ado about “How are you?”

I knew that the moment I start writing about emotions, especially emotions at work, I would end up in a rabbit hole!

A good one at that.

I had a 3-day weekend this past weekend and got to spend it with my partner. It was beautiful to say the least, and it was really nice not to focus on work, i.e., I got to catch up on my shows and just lounge around. I can’t say that I feel recharged, but I can definitely say that my brain got to go on “vacation:” for a little bit- no task-oriented thinking. I have a very curious mind (which leads me to trouble at times) so much so that when I start thinking of a topic, I ask myself so many questions, which lead me to some answers but definitely a boat-load more of questions, which then goes into researching on Wikipedia, white papers, etc., and five hours later, I end up on a website that has nothing to do- not even remotely- with the thought that got me thinking in the first place.

And, believe it or not, this is what I mean by letting my brain go on “vacation”.

So this weekend, I had the opportunity to just reflect on the past month and a half and see how I was doing based on the goals (personal, professional, entrepreneurial, etc) I’ve set for myself at the end of last year, and I kept going back to the question “How are you?” Redirecting did not do anything for me, so whenever this happens, I have known to just sit with what’s on my mind and let it simmer…then the obsessive curiosity kicked in.

I have seen many social media posts about different ways to ask “How are you?” and, for the longest time, I have always wondered why is there a seeming need to change this up? I mean, we all ask “How are you?” when we first meet or meet up with someone, whether in person or virtually, and there is truly no harm in doing so, but I think I’m finally uncovering it for myself. In one of the trainings I facilitate, we pose the statement: “Global questions get global answers”. In the context of my work, it all. makes. sense. And this is tried and true! We use the example of asking training attendees: “What is something that is important to you,” and we typically get “family,” or “work/life balance,” or “my faith”. We then follow up with what does “family” look like to them? Is it the people they live with? Is it their relatives in the next town? Is it their cousin twice removed in a faraway land? Case in point, when we ask general questions, we receive general responses- just like “How are you?” and the typical response of “I’m well,” or the dreadful “Good”.

Here’s the thing: I ask people “How are you?” all the time! And I am taking a more conscious and conscientious effort to ask people a similar question that will allow for deeper conversations because I truly care for someone’s well-being. I hate to be formulaic, but something that seems to be working for me right now is taking the time to remember my last conversation with a person and asking him/her/them what he/she/they have been up to since we last talked or checking in on their progress since we last caught up.

It’s still a work in progress, so please bear with me, and I am currently sitting with the tension of how I can ask about people’s well-being without it being a leading question…

And that’s for another rabbit hole 😉.

Cheers for reading!