My Mona Lisa Smile

Warning: Vulnerable Post ahead

Hello! It took me this long to finally write an original post of my own, and it took me so long because I have a serious case of paralysis by analysis, but what better way to debut than to write something close to me.

Literally.

I am writing about what is inside of me.

Last year, I was diagnosed with a Schwannoma on my 7th Cranial Nerve. What this does is essentially stop me from having full control of my facial muscles. To this date, I can’t fully control the left side of my face, which makes producing a Duchenne smile incredibly difficult. If you knew me personally prior to 2018, you also know me as someone who loves to laugh and posing in front of the camera. When I found out about the growth along my cranial nerve, I felt dirty and ashamed…like why me? Why now? This left me feeling paralyzed because I my smile was one of my favorite assets, and working in a service-oriented industry, a smile goes a very long way.

I once thought that my smile was what made me feel powerful and in full control of my life; however, I have definitely come to the realization that my happiness, sense of control and feeling powerful are fueled by more than my smile- it is fueled by my experiences, passion and everything else about that make me the unique individual that I am.

After tossing and turning and multiple internal wrestling matches, I made the conscious decision to use my analytical prowess to delve deeper into this new relationship, and boy did it take me a while to navigate this budding relationship with my condition. This was my realization: my smile was but a cherry on top of a lovely and already decadent sundae.

Why do I share this?

As I undergo my formal coaching pedagogy combined with my theoretical and practical knowledge about leadership theory, I recognize that we talk a lot about what leaders need to do; however, we do not emphasize enough the importance of emotional and relational navigation that happens beneath the “leader exterior”. This is exactly what drives me to coach! I want to empower people to love and accept their respective journeys.

For vulnerability to be feasible, successful and sustainable, we need to continue practicing self-compassion because this is a form of self-care that is often neglected- something I also did not practice in my relational journey with my condition. I functioned out of fear because I felt like I lost my “power” when in reality, my condition is a gift that reminds me to practice kindness towards myself, so that I can pay it forward and continue to be vulnerable with others as an act of authenticity.

I can’t believe I am referencing this on my debut post, but a wise drag queen once said “If you can’t love yourself, how the h*** are you going to love somebody else?” And what better words to live by through and through.

Practice self-compassion because it is in being kind to ourselves that we can fully grasp what it takes to be kind to others.

So what is your relationship with self-compassion?