World Mental Health Day
It has been so long since I have last posted! So much has happened since January that I am hoping to create content to post on here. Let’s see…life got busy after January, COVID-19 happened, Black Lives Matter, the upcoming election…SO MUCH! I am glad that I finally found the emotional capacity to post again though.
On emotional capacity…to my fellow Aquarius Suns out there, being vulnerable is something that takes a lot of intentional effort and working where I currently do, being emotionally present takes a huge toll on me; there are days when I feel like I have nothing else to give, so I definitely took care of myself. Apologies for the hiatus!
In any case, it’s World Mental Health Day today! Speaking of taking care of myself, this is actually why I wanted to write my thoughts on practices/activities/things I see and hear around me. Without a doubt, 2020 has affected most people’s, if not everyone’s, mental health state, and my hope is to illuminate some things to consider as people share what they are going through.
The harm in saying “You got this!”
Oftentimes, when we want to uplift and encourage others, we want to cheer them on and say “You got this”; however, this can actually make people feel isolated. The reason why people even share with us their stories is because they want to be heard and not feel alone, and in saying “You (the story sharer) got this (the story sharer’s trials and tribulations),” we have implied that we are not there for them and that the weight they carry is theirs alone.
Consider this: The next time someone shares their story with you, deeply listen to them; by this, I mean suspend your judgment and use ALL of your senses to truly listen to them. When we hold the space (and not internalize), the story sharer feels listened to.
Our “Fixing” Culture
Let’s have a real conversation real quick: Whenever someone vents to us, how many times have we “given advice” to them? Plenty, right? (Note: This is totally normal for everyone because help thy neighbors!) When we give unsolicited advice, feedback, and what-have-you to story sharers, the implication is that they are incapable of solving problems so we solve it for them or we are fixing them because they are the problem. Moreover, remember when I mentioned to “suspend your judgment?” Well, when we share our “two cents,” we have automatically judged that person and their story. People are not broken.
Consider this: Whenever you find yourself with someone who is sharing their story with you, deeply acknowledge and validate their journey. You can say (and genuinely, at that), “How you feel makes total sense given your situation”. Why say this instead of “I understand where you are coming from”? No two people in this world will have the exact same journey, so we could never truly walk in someone else’s shoes. Lastly, we have to check ourselves when we have the burning desire to “help” someone; are we helping others because it makes us feel better about ourselves (self-serving) or do we see other people as broken and need rescuing?
The Fallacy of “Self-Care” and its Activity Orientation
I have seen this multiple times as I scroll through my social media. Self-care as an some type of activity. While yes, this is absolutely valid, there is this false assumption that in order to take care of ourselves, we need to do something: spa day, wine, working out, you name it. Self-care is all about having the know-how of taking the temperature of our respective internal landscapes, making meaning out of these temperatures and ideating on the best ways to address them that makes the most sense for our individual selves.
Consider this: Routinely check in with yourself about your feelings, your thoughts and your intuition. When you do this internal check-in, pay attention to your body and how your body is reacting; for instance, when I am stressed out, my neck tends to hurt a lot. This may give you an indication of what your physical body needs. Alternatively, naming emotions allows us to find ways to address whatever our respective needs are at that point in time.
So there you have it- some quick wins and low-hanging fruits that you and I can work on as we take care of ourselves and others. It truly is an opportune time for me to starting writing on here again on World Mental Health Day today as I type this up in my car parked in front of the ocean in Monterey, CA and reflecting on my needs and wants in life.
Until my next post! Honor both your needs and wants. Regularly fill your cup. Take great care of you. :)
