Warren Handles a Verbally Violent Man with Skill & Compassion
Liz Warren’s impeccable self-control in a difficult moment.
On January 10, 2020, during her town hall, Elizabeth Warren was accosted by a verbally violent man.
Warren handled the confrontation with professional competency and emotional intelligence.
Elizabeth Warren modeled an impressive level of awareness, ability to think on her feet, and to instantly respond appropriately and effectively to a situation that was potentially dangerous to her and her supporters.
But guess what? She Had a Plan.
Not a joke. She certainly did have a plan. She was completely prepared for this kind of situation. She was prepared with a thoroughness and level of skill that I doubt is this fully developed in most other candidates.
Warren applied de-escalation skills, showed us her advanced capacity for emotional self-management, and demonstrated that she possesses a degree of compassion that I believe is impossible to fake.
See for yourself in this video posted by The Hill:
(you can watch the video without leaving this page — just give it a click)
A Teachable Moment
Yes, it is…so let’s take a close look at exactly what happened — I’ll review how the situation unfolded and comment on how Warren responded in each micro-second. This incident lasted only about a minute and a half and yet could have easily escalated into violence.
Here’s what happened: (follow along with the video)
Warren takes the stage and begins speaking to supporters in Dover, New Hampshire when an extremely agitated man approaches and goes ballistic.
Notice how Warren moves toward this man and not away. She could have turned and left the stage, but she didn’t. She could have signaled security to remove this man, but she didn’t. She stays and tunes in to what’s going on with him.
She stays calm. She doesn’t say anything for what seems like an eternity — but keeps her focus on him listening patiently. Her level of self-restraint is remarkable. No knee-jerk reaction. And she has no need to jump in and try to control him.
The ability to simply stand still and listen to a large raging man without reacting is a high-level skill.
If you watch on a large screen (click full-screen icon —the opposite pointing arrows in the lower right corner), you’ll notice at 21 seconds into the video she closes her eyes for an extra fraction of a second, gathers herself…and continues to listen as she is called names and falsely accused.
She acknowledges him, and his upset, then calmly tells him it’s time for him to leave. Her security staff is obviously well-trained in de-escalation techniques. Notice the security woman in uniform (who may work for the venue) — how she walks toward the situation — swiftly but not running, with determination and her head down, in a non-threatening way. Just doing her job.
Unfortunately, the Warren supporters in the audience weren’t as conscious, compassionate or skilled as their candidate.
It wasn’t long into the incident before Warren had the additional task of de-escalating the aggression of her supporters. At 25 seconds into the video, supporters started to “Boo!” loudly at the disrupter. She quickly held up her hand and shushed them, shaking her head. They continue to boo but she continues to listen to the raging man a few more seconds.
She then waves her hand at the audience saying:
“No, no…this is a man who’s deeply upset…it’s alright.”
She then addresses him directly, calmly saying “It’s time for you to leave.”
A few seconds later her supporters start chanting “Warren! Warren! Warren!” Fortunately, that fades after 5 shouts (possibly discouraged by her staff).
With the uniformed security officer now standing near him and one of Warren’s female staff members attempting to move him away, the disrupter has one more outburst, then turns and starts walking toward the door. As he does, a guy in the back violently screams “GET OUT! GET OUT NOW!”
Returned Hostility is NOT the Answer
In my eyes, the “Get Out!” guy behaved almost as offensively as the disrupter. As far as I could tell, the “Get Out!” shouter was a Warren supporter, but it wasn’t until I watched another video taken from a different angle that I knew for sure that “Get Out!” didn’t come from the first screaming man or a second guy interested in shrieking at Warren.
Reacting to a disrupter with the same verbal violence is never a good idea. It’s just as undesirable and it will never de-escalate a situation.
That kind of aggressive response is simply another bully trying to bully the first bully.
It’s not okay. Because no matter how “helpful” the protective screamer thinks they are being, they do not have the right to make that kind of executive decision to shout at anyone. Counteractive hostility only feeds the original hostility — it can escalate a situation and even provoke physical violence.
An Analogy
Many years ago while driving, another car cut me off. My friend who was with me immediately stuck her head out the window and screamed at the driver.
Surprised and frightened by her reckless audacity, I reprimanded, “Don’t do that!”
I learned an important lesson that day about boundaries and responsibility. That was also the moment I formulated my passenger policy:
As the driver and owner of the car I was the only person with the right to respond in any way to another driver. What happens in my car is my responsibility and therefore I am the only decision-maker.
If my passenger irritates another driver who is provoked to retaliate, it’s my car that could get damaged— me who will be the target of retaliation.
The same goes for a town hall. The event “belongs to” the candidate. How to handle a situation is her decision. As you can see in the video, Warren did not cue her audience to start booing. She did not invite her supporters to start chanting.
We Need to Learn & Practice Peacekeeping Skills
When supporting any candidate or getting involved as an activist it’s essential to commit to non-violence and to learn and practice de-escalation skills.
Non-violence is More Than Physical
Practicing non-violence is essential in settings where “hecklers” may show up. While almost every activist I know would insist they are committed to non-violence if they have not been properly oriented they may not understand the nuances of a true non-violent approach. And without opportunities to practice, they won’t likely become the poster child for peacekeeping.
De-escalation is Always the Approach
Okay. But how do we learn de-escalation skills?
Watch Elizabeth Warren in the video a few more times.
And keep reading…
Warren’s De-escalation Superpowers:
What She Did and What You Can Learn to Do Too
Lead with Empathy, Listen Deeply…But Set Firm Limits
During that Dover town hall incident, Warren leads from a place of empathy. Instead of perceiving him as attacking her personally Warren instead is able to imagine the amount of pain this man must be experiencing to be behaving that way.
She doesn’t fall into the trap of feeling irritated and getting defensive, because she’s not tangled up or controlled by her own triggers. She listens beyond the words to what he is feeling — and once she tunes in to that, she can only feel compassion for him.
Also, notice how she never treats him as “other” — she doesn’t talk “about” him to her security staff, but communicates directly to him during the entire incident. Even though he’s acting like a child having a tantrum, she treats him like an adult. She never insults or dismisses him. She treats him only with respect.
She listens, but she doesn’t coddle him (part of treating him like an adult) and doesn’t allow him to go on for too long. She lets him know that she hears his upset. She tells him (and/or everyone else in the room) that it’s alright…then calmly sets a limit and tells him it’s time for him to leave.
Keep it Simple with Clean Communication & Clear Boundaries
The cleanness and simplicity of Warren’s communication, during this incident, was remarkable. We saw a communicator with strong personal boundaries. It’s those boundaries that are essential for every aspect of de-escalation. With boundaries that are not permeable communication is straightforward and direct. There is nothing vague or ambiguous.
Emotional Self-Management
It’s easy to get provoked when we hear this kind of rant, especially when someone is making outrageous false accusations about you.
One of the most important skills of a political candidate and a politician once in office is the ability to manage their own emotions.
Emotional self-management requires a significant degree of self-awareness and maturity. And because solid emotional boundaries contribute to emotional management they are important as well.
Another important aspect is developing the ability to identify their personal triggers, and not let those triggers control them. Developing the characteristics mentioned in the previous paragraph will help in managing triggers.
What you saw in the video was Elizabeth Warren displaying a high level of emotional management. The final aspect described below is also about emotional self-management and personal boundaries.
Don’t Take the Bait — Don’t Get Caught in the Content
It’s one of the most difficult aspects but as you saw in the video Warren doesn’t make the mistake that most of us do. She doesn’t go down the rabbit hole of responding to the content of what he’s screaming about. She doesn’t defend against his accusations.
Warren knows that to go there would be fruitless and would entangle her in this troubled man’s drama.
She did all the right things, and in less than two minutes an extremely agitated man calms down and becomes cooperative enough to head out the door.
Elizabeth Warren didn’t miss a beat. One quick breath and she takes it from the top with a “Well!…It’s good to be here in Dover!”
To which supporters respond by giving her a standing ovation.
I wonder if they understood and appreciated what they had just witnessed?
Christine Green offers Coaching to individuals interested in learning the skills discussed in this piece.
