Sarcasm: Funny Eye-Opener & Passive-Aggressive Jab
Humor that shines a light on hypocrisy or can hurt our feelings.
Ask some people and they will tell you without hesitation that they hate sarcasm.
How do I know? Years ago when I was on a dating website the template asked my dislikes, offering me a list to choose from. I could check the boxes next to the appropriate choices for me. When browsing other profiles I could see what each person had identified as what they disliked.
I remember being surprised how many people had checked off that they disliked “sarcasm.” I knew immediately that my potential dating pool was going to be very small. (I’m being sarcastic- that wasn’t so bad now was it?)
Sarcasm has a bad reputation with some, but there are many forms of it and some are awesome-at least in my opinion. Some sarcasm is downright mean and can be extremely hurtful to those who are its target. Other forms that are not directed at a specific person can be hilarious and enlightening. Its close cousin satire can be just as profoundly truth-telling.
Sarcasm as Humor
Many comics use satire, irony, and sarcasm. As a humor style, it’s often used to shine a light on absurdities and hypocrisy, but this type of message can be searing. The same type of humor is used in everyday life with quick-witted comments. Depending on how it’s used, how often, and with whom, it can range from poking fun to comments that are quite hurtful. Some who are thin-skinned may perceive all sarcasm as unkind.
The Humor That Can Hurt
I happen to love the intellectual complexity of satire, and I’m a sarcasm pro. It’s where my quirkiness and unusual perspective get the opportunity to speak. But I’m not always sensitive and I know that sarcasm is my Achilles’ heel. I’m quick-witted with some pretty funny one-liners (if I don’t say so myse…oops!). But I’ve learned the hard way that my “humor” can be hurtful.
Sarcastic responses still pop into my mind quite frequently and while I may think it’s a hoot, I now keep my mouth shut more often than I used to. I try to stay vigilant and first ask myself if getting my humor fix is worth potentially hurting someone’s feelings? Most of the time the answer I get is “No, keep it to yourself.”
If you enjoy sarcasm that’s not hurtful but simply funny, you’ll enjoy this brief clip from an episode of The Simpsons:
What About Passive-Aggressive Sarcasm?
In my younger years, I was convinced that I was simply being funny — that I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone’s feelings but just cracking a joke. I later understood the potential hurt of my jokes, once I had more self-awareness.
Some of the examples given and discussed below would be considered passive-aggressive sarcasm. However, there can be a fine line between humor that is funny and humor that is hurtful. Often it’s in the eyes of the beholder.
As I stated above, I love sarcasm — mostly the kind that doesn’t hurt (though I’m certainly guilty of poking fun).
Also stated above, sarcasm can be passive-aggressive - Here’s (almost) everything you always wanted to know about Passive-Aggressive Behavior.
You may also be interested in my piece on Emotional Self-Management: Know Your Triggers, Handle Your Reactions where I discuss aspects of self-awareness and managing our reactions as we interact with others.
Public Sarcasm as Social Commentary
It’s difficult to know the breakdown, but a significant number of people appreciate skillfully crafted public sarcasm that points out injustices, hypocrisy, double standards, and little-known issues.
No doubt there is also a significant number of people who are turned off by public commentary that has the edge of sarcasm. They think it’s not the best way to work toward ending injustice. However, it usually does the trick of calling attention to what others may not see or understand.
Then there are those who don’t understand sarcasm and don’t “get” satire. (that’s a discussion for another time)
I prefer the research done by Li Huang, Francesca Gino, and Adam Galinsky that revealed that sarcasm can be useful for managers and teams.
“Participants in the “sarcasm” condition were significantly more likely to solve a creativity task assigned later in the experiment than those in the “sincere” condition.
“Sarcasm involves saying one thing and meaning the opposite, so using and interpreting it requires higher-level abstract thinking (compared with straightforward statements), which boosts creativity.
The downside is that sarcasm can produce higher levels of perceived conflict and there’s a risk of misunderstanding if the recipient does not pick up on the humorous intent and takes a sarcastic comment literally. The authors of this study advised caution about with whom and when you use sarcasm in a professional setting.”
In her Tweet below Emily Atkin jabs the author of an essay who didn’t seem to be aware of her privilege. Not only her wealth and whiteness but her attitude toward the service worker who saved her from needing to handle her family’s dinner herself (an attitude too often seen in those with privilege). Emily wrapped up her Tweet by praising the newspaper that published the author’s piece. I have to assume that was also sarcasm because I assume the author of the piece was a regular contributor and that the newspaper would publish almost anything she wrote. So I have to assume that Atkin’s final statement was a sarcastic jab as well as giving the Times Union credit for exposing an injustice by publishing the piece. That’s the beauty of many sarcastic commentaries — they are just vague enough to keep us guessing and we’re never quite sure if every word is sarcasm. I find that to be intellectually stimulating.
I’m not praising or criticizing Emily Atkin. I’m simply using her Tweet as an example of sarcasm because it showed up in my Twitter feed as I was working on this piece. It’s a great example of the use of sarcasm.
It’s not difficult to recognize how it can be passive-aggressive to use sarcasm in our communication. Find out (almost) everything you ever wanted to know about passive-aggressive behavior in my “Passive-Aggressive Behavior: Often Unrecognized & All Too Acceptable”
I would argue that this is the kind of situation where it’s acceptable to be this snarky because the Tweeter is offering public commentary — just as the author wrote a public opinion piece.
I read the essay about tipping etiquette that Emily is referring to and found it to be extreme in its cluelessness — almost enough to make me wonder if it was satire. I decided to respond to the author.
Here’s what happened:
I published a Tweet and mentioned the author specifically (having looked up her Twitter profile). I wanted to try to raise her awareness and while I had the urge to be snarky and express my shock and disdain, I paused and decided to be a bit more cordial. But as you can see below while I was cordial in the beginning, in my final statement I was a bit short with her. My Tweet:
“I invite you @JustKristi to re-read your article. Does your salary depend on your employer remembering each week to tip you? Sure, he could’ve been more tactful but he’s underpaid & overworked serving the privileged. Cut him some slack. https://timesunion.com/kristi/article/He-asked-me-for-a-tip-16326566.php via @TimesUnion”
I thought about the times when I went back to re-read one of my own Tweets or Facebook posts and with fresh eyes realized how annoying it sounded. So I thought I’d give her the benefit of the doubt and maybe she’d have a similar experience.
I invited her to re-read her piece. Then posed the question about her own salary, added the “underpaid and overworked” point that Emily had made, mentioned that her delivery guy was serving the privileged (hint hint), and then bluntly demanded, “Cut him some slack.”
I’m glad I toned it down and was pleasantly surprised to get a response from the author who was able to hear my point and then thanked me.
Back to Atkin’s Tweet — The Sarcasm Continued in the Replies
A Canadian started the fun:
I like how this dueling snark fest was mutual. It seemed to be an appreciation of each other’s sarcasm skills and didn’t escalate into full aggression but resolved with an implied agreement.
For a master class in sarcasm, watch the One Mississippi series on Amazon.
Almost every word uttered by the lead character, Tig, is sarcasm. She will likely be perceived differently by each of us — some of you will hate her and others will love her deadpan edgy comments.
I find that even though her sarcasm is a bit passive-aggressive, at the same time, much of it is direct, refreshing truth-telling.
As a character, Tig grows on us if we watch long enough to see the softer more vulnerable side of her. Often her sarcastic remarks don’t seem to hurt her step-father, probably because most of them go right over his head.
This example of sarcasm poignantly makes a statement but also (sort of) gives us a laugh. July 28, 2021:
Maybe you still hate sarcasm.
Or perhaps you view it from a new perspective?
Maybe you have a new appreciation of sarcastic humor?
Or not.
