A saner approach to dating, and uh Life, is to view your decisions in terms of consequences. Think of the consequences of your actions. Worst case scenarios? Are you still ok with that outcome? Go have some fun then.

If not? Proceed with caution. You just made an adult-ass decision.

Of course, this all sounds good in theory. What’s theory without a little application? Let’s take a closer look at our three rules.

“Never Date a Co-worker”

The worst case scenario here lives with some treacherous shit. Proceed with caution and what not.

Some companies may have explicit policies against, *ahem* fraternizing with your co-workers. Assuming you’re working in a modern office, there are a few other pitfalls.

First, how do you broach the topic without triggering a wonderful “we need to talk about sexual harassment” meeting with HR? What if you and the co-worker actually interact with each on a regular basis? A nasty break up could mean someone has to find a new job. Finally, if you work together more than just a few passing moments a day, the job could add strain to the budding, flirty, otherwise fun, relationship; Dooming it before it begins.

There are some downsides, sure. So, what kind of situation does dating a co-worker make sense? In other words, when are you ok with those downsides?

Do it when you’re in a situation where you can easily acquire a equivalent or better job. You don’t mind sacrificing the job for the the guy or gal you might marry. Do it if you aren’t all up in each other’s business while you’re in the office. It’s a bonus if you can flirt over the water cooler, and sneak off for lunch. Just make sure you aren’t in the same business meetings day in and day out. And the sexual harassment thing? Use your best judgement. If you already hang outside of work, or feel like you have a good enough rapport, probably no big deal.

See? Consequences seen. There’s some shit to deal with, for sure. Yet, dating co-workers is a thing most of us should still totally consider doing. We spend 8-hours a day in the office. Why not use some of that time looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right?

“Don’t have sex on the first date”

This is one, I admittedly, don’t have any personal experience with. That said, I DO have a number of friends who are now married. Those friends hooked up with their husband and wives to-be after chance meetings at parties.

“But, dude! Those are parties, not dates!”

Ok, fair, fair. Point stands though: some relationships can start with a bang. So, what about a Saturday night sheet tangler makes some relationships sour?

Part of it is some of us are just idiots. We’re trying to “scratch an itch.” Once it’s scratched, we don’t stop to think, “Hey, (s)he was actually really cool.”

That whole waiting-before-fucking thing forces us to get to know you (you, manipulative jerk). Once clothes come off, and itches get scratched, there’s still something left over.

On the flip side, if the sex is really good, it can be hard to separate genuine feelings from “I really want to bang him/her.” I’d say that’s a generally a good problem to have, though. You can figure that out over time, and have some fun along the way.

The other consequence here, is sex is a messy, personal, and occasionally awkward experience. You’re emotionally and physically exposed. So, embarrassment abounds. Building trust and comfort beforehand is a good way to ensure that despite embarrassing feelings, you’ll still connect (hey-o!) afterwards.

Sex on the first date is a gamble. It’s hard to tell how embarrassing someone might find a roll in the hay after a how do you do. Like-wise, it’s difficult to judge when you’ve made an impression beyond “damn, he/she is really fucking hot.”

That isn’t to say you should never roll the dice. Go ahead, make some bad decisions. Specifically, if your date is also really keen on it. If you find you really like him or her afterwards, the cost of your fling is the understanding that it may take a bit more work to reconnect.

“Had a great date? Wait before texting / calling”

God in heaven do I hate this “rule”. I hate it so much, I just said, “God in heaven,” and I’m an Atheist. That’s multidimensional sacrilege.

That said, it’s easy to see why this misguided piece of wisdom exists. We’ve all fucked this up someway or another. “Hey, had fun last night! When are you free again this week?”

Fast forward ten minutes. The internal dialogue is rolling right along.

“Holy shit why hasn’t (s)he texted me back? It’s been ten whole minutes. Did (s)he have a bad time last night? Maybe (s)he doesn’t like me. S / He doesn’t like me. I should text again to clarify. I don’t think my first message was clear.”

Seven unnecessary texts later and you’ve guaranteed you are, in fact, NOT getting that second date. Not only that, but you’ve just created a self fulfilling prophecy. You were afraid that he or she didn’t like you because you were too weird / neurotic / whatever-y? Well, boom. You just supplied a slew of adjectives for your now non-date to pick from.

Which is great, by the way, because you’re likely to continue picking from that same grab bag of personal character flaws in the future. The apparent confirmation of those flaws will work as nice ammunition when future dates take more than a minute to respond. Cueing a cycle vicious cycle of text bombs to dates / feeling like crap. Goody.

Thus, the rule. Wait a few days before expressing interest to a date. Let the neurotic crap subside, and then reach out when you’ve got a more level head.

We can do better. Seriously.

There’s a real cost to following this rule. The guy or gal you’re really into could go off and find someone new. How can you blame them? That jerk they had a great date with didn’t follow up.

So, text your dates once whenever it feels right? Easier said than done, perhaps. The reality is, most of us just need a bit of practice NOT being emotional basket cases. Text your date. Then hang out with a friend who can keep you in line.

Or, if you can’t hang out, get one or two who know the deal. Take out your manic texting tendencies on them. Leave your date be.

If the guy or gal you took out for tacos, a game of pool, and The Ogres show wasn’t really into it, oh well. Give them 24 hours to respond. Didn’t hear back? Move on.

You’re great. Go find another date! There’s someone out there who gets you. You’ve just gotta put the work in to find them.