How I Lost My Husbands Kiss
This breaks my heart
As most relationships start there is the loved up honeymoon stage. Passionate lovemaking and kissing. Talking and dreaming of the future. We would often dream of the future and what that looks like as we grow old together and look towards early retirement at Mission Beach. Even 11 years on, we would often dream together when we were at Mission Beach or sitting watching the sunset with a cold drink.
Kissing is an intimate act. It brings you closer to your loved one. I believe it is the most intimate act of all and helps bond two people. I used to lay in bed with my loved one, held in his arms while we talked and unwound for the day. Kissing was always our foreplay. Neither of us needed anything else to get us excited. Kissing was exciting, passionate, loving, deep, and personal.
Then it stopped.
Not how most people will assume.
On the 31st of August, 2015, our kissing stopped. I had half my lower jaw removed from an ugly benign locally aggressive tumour in the jaw bone. I lost feeling to the lower right side of my lips. I lost the ability to be able to move my tongue outside of my mouth. I lost the ability to eat, talk, laugh, sing and kiss.
My husband would gently kiss me, moving his lips to line with mine so I could feel his touch. We could only kiss gently, with our lips closed, as if you are greeting someone with a peck on the cheek.
When we were married, we had to tell the celebrant that we couldn’t do a proper kiss so that she didn’t make a deal out of it. A pec it would be.
At times I would choose to get caught up in the moment and kiss my husband. I would regret it.
The physical pain; unbearable.
The mental distress; broke me.
Six years on from surgery and I still can’t kiss my husband.
Then, six years on my husband stopped trying to kiss me.
He kissed someone else. He kissed my best friend. They were having an affair.
My heart shattered into a million pieces. Along with my worth as a woman, a lover, a wife.
I can not fulfill a basic human instinct, a basic movement that shows someone how much you love them. There is no replacement for kissing. I feel empty. I fell unworthy.
I can never kiss again.
