Find Out if You’re an Enabler and What to Do

Being an enabler has been used in the context of a relationship with an addict, who might be a drug addict (which includes an alcoholic), gambler, or compulsive shopper.

But it’s not exclusive to those relationships. Common examples are a woman looking for a job for her boyfriend, a man paying his girlfriend’s rent, or parents meeting responsibilities that their child can do or should be doing.

Enablers suffer the effects of someone else’s behavior rather than the person they’re helping. Enabling “removes the natural consequences to the person of his or her behavior.” It can make then more dependent and impede their growth and capacity to take responsibility for their own lives.

In the case of addiction, the reason professionals warn against it is because evidence has shown that an addict experiencing the damaging consequences of his addiction on his life is the most powerful incentive to change. Often this is when the addict “hits bottom” — a term commonly referred to in Alcoholics Anonymous.

Codependents often feel compelled to solve other people’s problems. If they’re involved with addicts, particularly drug addicts, they usually end up taking on the responsibilities of the irresponsible addict. Their behavior starts as a well-intentioned desire help, but in later stages of addiction…