Hidden Truth About Codependent Relationships

There’s a saying, “The ending is in the beginning.” Codependent relationship problems start with their low self-esteem, lack of boundaries, and their idealization of love — that it will solve their deeper problems, including shame, which generates beliefs such as: “If I’m loved, I’m lovable,” and “If I’m needed, I won’t be abandoned and lonely.”

Codependents have fantasies of how wonderful their relationship will be, “if only…” their partner would transform (with their help.)

Shame beginning in childhood due to dysfunctional parenting is the source of codependent behavior. But most people are unaware of these feelings. Some may have frequent or occasional, fleeting thoughts of being inadequate, inferior in some way, unlikeable, or unlovable.

Along with this basic insecurity, most codependents have never felt safe in a relationship and don’t know what that would feel like. Thus, they have no touchstone to compare to their unfulfilling or anxiety-filled relationships.

Because of this, they gravitate toward intense relationships that both enliven them and provoke anxiety. They mistake anxiety for chemistry and “excitement.” By idealizing love and a prospective partner, they overlook warning signs of unreliability, selfishness, and instability that portend unhappiness. Dating someone calm and…