How to Set Polite Boundaries

Love won’t last without personal boundaries. It’s easy to understand external boundaries as your bottom line. Think of rules and principles you live by when you say what you will or won’t do or allow.

If you have difficulty saying no, override your needs to please others, or are bothered by someone who is demanding, controlling, criticizing, pushy, abusive, invasive, pleading, or even smothering you with kindness, it’s your responsibility to speak up.

Types of Boundaries

There are several areas where boundaries apply:

1. Material boundaries determine whether you give or loan things, such as your money, car, clothes, books, food, or toothbrush.
2. Physical boundaries pertain to your personal space, privacy, and body. Do you give a handshake or a hug — to whom and when? How do you feel about loud music, nudity, and locked doors?
3. Mental boundaries apply to your thoughts, values, and opinions. Are you easily suggestible? Do you know what you believe, and can you hold onto your opinions? Can you open-mindedly listen to someone else’s, without becoming rigid? If you become highly emotional, argumentative, or defensive, you may have weak emotional boundaries.
4. Emotional boundaries distinguish separating your emotions and responsibility for…