Why Is Intimacy and Commitment So Hard?
Women, in particular, are looking for commitment. Hollywood, the media, and dating websites all focus on getting a marriage proposal. The art of seduction predates expert Cleopatra. Dozens of books have been written about getting an unavailable man to say, “I do.” For six years, Carrie Bradshaw of “Sex in the City” tried to get Mr. Big to commit. But it’s one thing to get married, it’s another to have a deep emotional connection and commitment of the heart.
Fear of Intimacy
Both men and women often create obstacles to getting the love they want. They may avoid intimacy with time spent at work, watching television, engaging in hobbies or sports. Addiction by either spouse blocks intimacy. Women complain their husbands spend too much time on the computer or watching sports. Yet, women may spend time cleaning, volunteering, or criticizing their husbands or boyfriends, or are over-emotionally involved with their children. To be clear, I’m not talking about the demands of raising young children or the necessity of working two jobs to pay the bills. Stress makes intimacy harder, but doesn’t necessarily eliminate it unless it’s an excuse.
Fear of intimacy may show up in the bedroom. One man complained about his wife’s coldness. He had an affair, only to discover that he was now impotent with his new-found lover. As walls…
