Friendships

Variety and a kick in the pants

I was chatting with a dear friend today and some how we got to talking about the friendships we had. Not in an ‘oh my God look did you see her bag’ but from a quality and importance perspective.

We both have great friends, different and important in different ways. We know who to call for relationship advice, job drama, breakup commiseration & life’s challenges and celebrations. Often, we reflected, these calls were directed to 4 or 5 different people, without a one size fits all on these traits. On reflecting it, we both recognized we were really grateful for the variety, for the uniqueness in each of these relationships.

If any of these friends were the same, they would essentially become replaceable friendships. So even though there are commonalities or personalities we gravitate towards, those people we click with for one reason or another, each are different and important.

Some friends are seasonal, or ones united by a common cause or common interest. The depth of these friendships are based on the decisions made by both parties on where the adventure goes, the activities, and probably most important the depth of sharing life. Seasonality is super important, it brings flavor and excitement to life, learning about others. Some times these friendships wane as the uniting factor disappears with time. I don’t plan on having seasonal friends, it’s not intentional to let the friendship fade, the unintentional stages and changes in life can alter situations.

I’ve worked a job that meant some decent travel, timezone changes and the ability to ‘go upside down’. The friendships I made professionally and personally changed and grew me but I don’t maintain them all and it’s mutual.

I ended up moving upside down a couple of years ago. Living here there and everywhere has changed how I view my relationships. Just being present and around can change and grow relationships. I have made brilliant life long friends who didn’t move with me, but never feel far away. I guess you could say I’m blessed with great people. I can’t deny it.

There is a secret though, to life and its friendships. The very best relationships regardless of personality, quirks, career, interests or finances are the ones where you are real. Real in the sense that should you make a bad decision or are in a rut, your friends know and they point it out and pull you out. I have a lot of these friends. Friends that speak up, speak the truth and provide advice. Friends who recognize that the truth is really important and friends who stick around and work through when we disagree. There is nothing like a heart to heart when you feel uncomfortable and allow for growth. The trust is evident in the relationship and friends aren’t afraid to speak up and say ‘that guy is a jerk, what are you doing.’ — Several years ago this was the kick in the pants I needed.

I hope you have friends like that. If you don’t, how you start is to trust and extend grace as you learn to speak truth to each other.

REAL friendships are what I am into.