Confidence and Vulnerability
-Our two biggest weaknesses
I have long noted the importance of awareness, unselfishness and attentiveness in relationship as these traits, in the context of what both people must bring to the table, matter so much in ensuring a giving, communicative and intuitive connection. But if these are important factors in a relationship, what about individuals? And, more specifically, what specific traits should men exude more than any other. What about women? It is these last two questions I intend to explore in this article.
Women yearn. Women get invested, emotionally and physically. Men want to be in control. Men don’t want to recognize flaws. I don’t find anyone that disagrees with these basic statements.
Melissa has been going out with Mark for three months and she digs him like shovels. It’s obvious. A lot is right with their relationship with the exception of a shrinking violet in their sex life. For Mark, this violet is a debilitating issue. Such an issue, in fact, that they no longer have a sex life. Results of this being a lack of confidence in Melissa triggered by Mark’s confidence drain. What if Mark had talked to Melissa about it? What if he had gotten help from our friend Viagra? What if he learned some tricks of the trade that gave him a longer shelf life? A better question may be, why doesn’t he take any of these steps? More on this later. Now, Melissa has been down this road before. Whether due to shrinking violets or lack of compliments or other internal insecurities. And, it’s those things that doom any initiation of communication from her side.
Right now, I’m talking about sex. Tomorrow I could talk about job satisfaction and money and how men, with their Superman complex, would rather bow to Lex Luthor wearing a kryptonite tuxedo than confront issues about bills with their significant other. Or, perhaps I could delve into the post-pregnancy weight gain weighing Tammy down enough that she loses focus on so many other aspects of herself. The outcome being, she believes she’s worth-less, deserves less, and thus, she takes what she can get in terms of treatment.
What we’re really talking about here is Confidence and Vulnerability. And they are, without argument, the two most important individual traits that men and women must have on display. If a woman isn’t confident, she will let others own her. She will lose herself in the wants, desires and expectations of others. She will let herself go. If a man isn’t willing to be vulnerable, he won’t address anything that is bothering him, her or their relationship as a whole. Problems will make him secluded. And, of course, beneath the surface, this is very connected to confidence because part of being confident is understanding and being okay with the reality that you can’t pop every balloon and we all have flaws.
To bring another aspect to these two words, I will note that women, in their own indirect and unintentional way, lead men to being less willing to be vulnerable. Why you ask? Because there still exists this notion in a lot of women’s minds that any signs of weakness is unattractive and some vulnerability can be seen as weak. Vulnerability will mean putting himself out there in terms of areas he needs to work on or simply opening up emotionally and otherwise to your significant other. If men are going to turn this corner, it can’t be followed with women dismissing or judging them. And, on the other side, women’s confidence is almost 100% associated with how men accept them, treat them, etc. and thus mens role in confidence issues cannot be understated. The best thing men can start doing to affect women’s confidence in a positive way is to simply be expressive, verbally and physically. And that would require vulnerability.
I think you get my point.
