Conversation With a Client: About Timidness Versus Being Nice

Why do nice guys finish last?

Why do you think they finish last?

Because I’m a nice guy and I know nice guys and we can’t seem to find love or at least not with the women we want.

And you believe it’s because you’re a nice guy?

Definitely.

Okay, give me some traits of a nice guy.

Thoughtful. Caring. Attentive.

And you don’t believe women value those traits?

Women want bad boys. They want men that are jerks!

Okay, give me some traits of a bad boy or jerk.

Selfish. Self-absorbed. Cocky. Mean.

And you’re convinced women want a mean guy?

I don’t think they like mean guys but I think they’ll take a mean guy over a nice guy.

Okay, humor me for a second and tell me the difference, in your mind, between a nice guy and a timid guy.

I think timid guys are shy. They’re afraid of their own shadow.

And how might those traits of a timid guy come out in a relationship?

I don’t know. They agree with everything? Maybe they don’t touch the girlfriend?

Do you think they’re also indecisive?

Probably.

Do you think someone could be thoughtful, caring and attentive to the point that they end up agreeing with everything someone says? Or becoming indecisive because they’re so mindful of what their partner wants?

I could see that.

Do you think you’re nice or timid?

I don’t think I’m (pause). I don’t know.

(REAL CONVERSATION I HAD WITH A CLIENT)