The Ludicrousness of Affair Proofing Your Marriage

-Sorry Dr. Phil!

“Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, exercise and look your best. Feeling good about yourself will radiate and your spouse will notice” — This piece of advice was in a list of 8 things you can do to “Affair-Proof Your Marriage”, and it’s ridiculous. Now, let me put the rest of the article in context.

There was some acknowledgement that you can’t prevent someone from cheating on you at the onset of this article: “You can’t control your partner’s behavior, but you don’t have to set yourself up to get hurt either. Inoculate yourself against infidelity by making sure you’re attentive, involved and plugged in to your marriage.”

But it just happened to be followed by “If You Are Having Problems” with some recommendations. One of them was the aforementioned “…look your best…” here are the rest:

• Make a plan together to renegotiate your relationship.
• Work on your marriage every single day — not just during the bad times.
• Be a good partner. Put 100 percent into your marriage.
• Don’t confuse reality with fantasy.
• Don’t play games in your head. It’s a short step from thought to action.
• Find a passion, get energized, find some time together to rediscover the love and commitment you have for one another
• Turn toward your partner, not away. You absolutely cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning outward.

Okay, now that my blood has stopped boiling for at least the moment, let me cut and slice and skewer this ridiculous concept. For starters, no one should be thinking about how they can make sure their spouse won’t cheat on them. For that matter, we shouldn’t even be thinking about things we do or don’t do to ensure we don’t “get hurt either”, as this article implied. If I were to have read each and every recommendation as an insulated piece of advice not related to infidelity, I’d say it’s sound advice BUT the danger and utter stupidity of linking the two together is that it puts ideas in peoples mind that if they don’t follow these 8 steps than perhaps their spouse cheating on them might have been the direct result and thus may be their fault.

Fact: Don’t get married if you don’t trust the person Fact: If someone is going to cheat on you because these 8 steps weren’t followed, making the effort to prevent the cheating is the same as okaying the cheating if you don’t. Fact: People do stray in relationships even in circumstances where these 8 pieces of advice are followed.

It’s human nature to yearn and some even look, but the line between looking and touching should not be a burden for one or both spouses to juggle when there’s already the trio of love, commitment and respect.

Lastly, I’m not naive enough to believe that all marriages have love, commitment and respect but what I am saying is that the absence of those should weigh in someones mind, not a stupid list of things they should do to lessen the chance of their spouse cheating on them.

Here’s the article, by the way: http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/335