To Be Equal…

…Be Equal!

Let’s start simple. If you want equality, you better act like you’re equal. This is about not seeking permission and not seeking approval. You need neither since you’re on equal footing. And if you’re not on equal footing, which I know you are not, if you sit on a lower pedestal, no one will see you on equal footing. There are other phrases you could lean on to understand my point here:

• Act like you belong
• Don’t ask, expect
• Those who play the part well will likely get the part, no rehearsal needed

If I were to put examples to this, I would say, for instance:

• Suggest a place to go out that night instead of asking. Like: “I’d like to go to Society Fair tonight and after that, let’s get desert wherever you want”
• When you’re about to do what you always do, which is prepare dinner, say: “Would you like to help me cook or clean after?”

I know. I’m naive right? You think I’m giving you donuts in the area of helpful words to use but I am here to tell you that unless you start practicing equality through expectation and leading, it will not happen. Ever! And here’s the thing about tone and intent.

• Tone: You’re not raising your voice and you’re not being condescending. You’re in fact delivering this in the calmest way possible. You’re also not asking, you’re just expecting that you will have a relationship in which the see saw does not tilt more one way than the other and in this, your tone should not be threatening. Now the words may come as a surprise and some will even be offended as if you’re being presumptuous about your role and theirs. But here’s the thing and there’s really no way around it. If they are bothered by this, they never intended to have an equal partner and you have your answer!
• Intent: Your intent is to change the landscape, not to take control. Period, end of discussion.

And while this is not a workplace article, let me use a couple work place examples just as a matter of relatability in closing this article out.

• The Sick Day: When you call in sick, don’t give the 60 word description. Would a guy do that? No. They would call in, say their kid is sick, and end it there. Women tend to tell the boss what temperature their kid has, what time the appointment is and insert twelve iterations of ‘I’m sorry’ in the midst of it all.
• The Holiday Obligation: Who puts the decor up? Who helps set up the work functions from a volunteer perspective? What if you didn’t? Would there be no decor? Likely. Unless someone else did it. Instead, they expect that women will do it and women feed right into this expectation.

I am very serious about this and my dismay at what women do to keep the bar where it is cannot be understated. I don’t blame women for the equality issues but I hold them partly responsible for not helping change the paradigm. In the world of teaching people how to treat you, if you act as though you don’t belong, you will be treated as such.