Words of Protection, Words of Pain

-In Relationships

“…and if something more develops, that would be nice”

Wow do I find this phrase troubling. It is usually said in the context of an online dating profile. Something in the spirit of:

“I’d like to find someone to hang out with, cuddle up and watch a movie or grab dinner and if something more develops, that would be nice”

It is admitting defeat and setting the bar low right off the bat. It’s likely, very much in fact, that the author behind these words wants something more to develop but is putting that phrase out there to protect themselves from being hurt or to not come across as too relationship minded in our modern dating world. Because, sounding relationship minded may actually push away people that may otherwise like me or vice versa. So we put out this nonchalant phrase.

Here’s another one: “I’d like to date but nothing serious”

Okay, there may be cases where this is in fact true but, as I’ve seen it, and I’ve seen A LOT, this too is usually a form of protection. We say this and we can appear nonchalant or indifferent when it doesn’t work out with someone, particularly if we gave ourselves to them and we wanted more from them in the long term.

But it’s painful isn’t it? It hurts doesn’t it? And, it may also be a precursor to the inevitable conclusion that you don’t actually get what your heart seeks in the end. By setting the bar low, you will find you don’t go all in emotionally or psychologically because there’s a wall. Your heart is in pain from past relationships, hence why you’re in protection mode and your lack of confidence in yourself blended with your jaded view on relationships will not let you be who you truly are in this domain. Also, members of the opposite sex are going to have a field day with someone they can have fun with, free of a need to commit. Because you said it. You’re not in it for that.

All in all, there’s regret because you knew you wanted more than you verbalized and you likely lost out on connections with people you cancelled out by virtue of the message and vibes you released–while in protection mode.

The End.